I missThu, 22nd Aug '02, 8:55 am::

I am always scared of days like these. You know, the days that start perfectly great & lovely and then you suddenly get all sad cuz you miss someone really really really bad. Yeah, it's just one of those days... I miss my dad. Talked to him last night, but for only 2-3 mins. It's odd how both of us were out of words to say. I know he misses me a lot, but I also think he does not realize how much I miss him too. Just cuz my life's going good @ the moment, and I'm earnin' my own bread, doesn't mean that his little boy's grown up. Hehe. It's funny, all day I pretend to be all grown up, but as soon as I think of my dad, I turn 10.

So I was sittin' in the bus this morning on my way to work, and all I could think of, were 4523817 random sweet memories from the past two decades. It's funny how every incident flashes in front of your eyes and suddenly takes you right there, as if it just happened. I don't even know if anyone remembers this, but I remember looong ago when I was a weee little kid. I used to be the best cricket bat breaker! Yeah, I said breaker, cuz no matter how many bats my dad bought for me, I'd find some ingenious way to damage them! Everytime I broke a bat, I used to be soooooo scared. I don't even remember if my dad ever got mad @ me for breakin' bats. But I do remember that everytime I broke a bat, I'd get a new one within 2 days. Of course, eventually I realized cricket wasn't my cup of tea; I switched to soccer :)

I dunno why I thought of this while sittin' in the bus. I also dunno why I got all nostalgic about what was quite possibly the worst homecoming in the history of the world - my first vacation from my boarding school, around October 1990. I remember I got down from the train, I saw my dad right in front of me, and he could not recognize me! I had lost 10-15lbs in the past 3 months, became taller, darker, skinnier, and had got a military haircut, no wonder he couldn't recognize me. So I shouted, "Hi Daddy..." and it took him a few secs. to realize it was me actually! Hehe. I guess this morning I thought about this incident, because I was thinkin' about it just as I was gettin' down from my plane in Calcutta in June this year. Here I was, my 2nd big homecoming... from US to India after 2 years. And then it hit me, I had turned 10 again. As I was walking down the airport, I felt exactly like I felt 12 years ago... just one emotion... happiness, because I was back with my family again. And when I saw how many people had come to receive me @ the airport, I was shocked! 26 people!!! I felt sooooo loved.

Ok back to present. As I said, I'm scared of days like these. You know, the days that start perfectly great & lovely and then you suddenly get all sad cuz you miss someone really really really bad. Yeah, it's just one of those days... I miss my mom too... and my grandma & grandpa... and my sister...

Today is Rakshabandhan, and on this day in India, "an amulet known as a Raksha or Rakhi, is tied round the wrist of brothers by the sisters to protect them from evils during the coming year." I miss my lil sis... I wish I was there with her right now. And I have to tell her something: I know I was strict with you in Bombay and scolded you not to cry right before I left India. I'm sorry, but there's no way I can ever see tears in your eyes. I know it'd have been a lovely melodramatic and traditional soap-opera episode if you had cried and I had given you a hug and made you stop crying, but trust me, I'm not brave enuf to see you cry. Sorry. Better luck next life; maybe you'll get a mentally-stronger bro who's more emotionally stable :) Hehe.

Yeah so this is why I hate days like these. Days when everything is just perfect, and yet doesn't feel so. Days when the gravity increases ten-fold, and everything just feels so much more heavy. Days when you wish to talk to someone, but they're not there. Days when I end up writing looong 'blogs, because I have so much to share yet so little to say.

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