chir.ag 'blog

'Blog: Saturday, January 17, 2026 11:55 am - Racooning

2026-01-17T11:55:00-05:00

Hari turns adjusted one-year old today. This means, he should have been born a year ago on this day. But Hari being in a hurry, rushed out in October of 2024, over 3 months earlier than the doctors expected.

He's doing wonderful, gaining weight steadily, and gets a lot of care and attention from us, his older siblings, his daycare teachers, and the numerous therapists, nurses, and doctors who see him multiple times a week. Could not ask for a better care team for him.

So Juliet and I have come up with a way to describe what Hari does when he's sleepy. We're not sure when it started exactly but whenever he is tired and wants to sleep, he tries to shove his hands UNDER us when we are laying down in the bed. Since his hands are still very tiny but with long fingers, it feels like a racoon clawing at our bodies. We weren't sure what was going on initially but now we're pretty sure he's just doing this to get some warmth and coziness. As we discussed this behavior between us, we started to refer to it as "racooning". Now racooning has other slang meanings, like misbehaving or rummaging through trash, but in our house, it has a new, slightly painful meaning, thanks to baby Hari.

'Blog: Friday, December 19, 2025 2:20 am - For Keval

2025-12-19T02:20:00-05:00

My cousin Keval, 43, passed away today in Mumbai, India, surrounded by his parents, sister, my dad, and lots of loved ones who came to wish him a final good bye. Almost twenty-two years ago, he got into an accident in Goa, India. His recovery was long and while he managed to recover some control of his arms, he lost his voice and mobility. What he never lost, was his fighting spirit and sense of humor. Over two decades of medical assessments, surgeries, physical therapy, and repeated bouts of hospitalizations and ICU stays complicated by long-term bed rest — he had faced it all.

He was a year younger than me. In May 2002, he got an all-paid full-scholarship-type admission into one of India's biggest engineering colleges: K. J. Somaiya College of Engineering. I was SO proud of him! We were planning our post-education careers together. We had some ambitious plans.

This one time, he sent me an IBM Research Puzzle and we solved it together online over AIM (AOL Instant Messenger chat) despite being half way around the world from each other. And to this day, the sidebar on the IBM puzzle page still has our names on there: "Keval Mehta (12.14.2002@06:34:36PM EST) / Chirag Mehta (12.14.2002@06:34:36PM EST)"

We grew up far from each other in India so only met for a few days each summer and barely got to know each other beyond surface-level. There was no Internet or email back then and phone calls across states were very expensive. And yet, once I moved to the US in 2000, despite being even further apart now, AIM brought us closer together. We were both night owls so it was pretty easy to catch each other online, no matter the time of day. We talked so much, my raw text chat logs with him got over 1mb! I just dug up my old chat logs and re-read some of them. I'm all tears right now. He was going to move here in 2004-2005. We were going to live together and code 24/7 until we hit it big. We had our whole lives ahead of us and we were so excited for it to get started.

For many years, I've thought about the last time we talked on AIM before his accident and I vaguely recalled being busy and not having a memorable conversation. I've always felt guilty about it — this was the last time we talked online and I probably just said hi/bye quickly. But I just looked it up and I was wrong!

On Jan 13, 2004 at 12:46:09 AM, KooL KevaL said "yo". I replied "sup", as people back in 2004 did, and then told him "groundhog day = good movie". We chit-chatted for a while about movies, music, song lyrics, and then he asked me about my stress-level and mental health. I didn't expect him to ask but was so glad he did. I shared that I'd been feeling better lately and he was happy to hear it. He said he had to log off and study, I bid him adieu as only a true bro would, with a "take care biatch", he said the obligatory "lol", and then...

KooL KevaL signed off at 12:57:46 AM, Jan 13, 2004.

I never deleted him from my AIM buddy list because I always hoped that someday, he would sign on and give me his standard "yo". AIM is gone now but I never stopped hoping and dreaming that he was going to email me out of the blue and tell me that he's all better now and ready to start our software company together.

My one-year old baby Hari is sleeping on my chest right now as I write this. He is slowly recovering from an RSV infection with low-grade fever. He's doing well overall and hitting the expected premie milestones. When he's old enough, I will tell him about his late Uncle Keval. Just like I told Naveen and Leela tonight. I took them out to dinner, showed them old photos & videos, and talked for a good half an hour. On the drive home, we sang songs together. We were singing along to They Might Be Giants' Istanbul and Violent Femmes' Blister in the Sun, when out of nowhere, Monty Python's Always Look on the Bright Side of Life popped up in the queue. I don't know if Keval had watched Monty Python skits or movies but I know he loved Office Space and would have definitely loved this song.

Rest in peace my brother. I love you Keval.

'Blog: Monday, October 13, 2025 3:40 pm - Happy 1st Birthday Hari!

2025-10-13T15:40:00-04:00

Exactly a year ago, Juliet and I were at the NICU, overrun with emotions at our miracle baby boy Hari's premature birth at 26 weeks. And today he's doing amazing! He woke up with all smiles and played with his older siblings and me in the morning and then spent the day at daycare where they celebrated his birthday with other toddlers all crawling around. Tonight he passed out on my chest after watching me make shadow puppets on the ceiling with my phone's flashlight.

The last 365 days have been a whirlwind but literally nothing could've brought us more joy and excitement than seeing Hari grow from 2lbs to 17lbs! Coincidentally, I gained the exact same 15lbs in the same period! I guess it's time for me to start eating healthier and hit the track again now that I turned 45 last week.

Life's going well other than the high stress from juggling a ton of doctor appointments, kids/school functions, house chores, and the big programming project I've been working on all year.

'Blog: Monday, August 25, 2025 2:10 pm - Idle Nest

2025-08-25T14:10:00-04:00

After taking care of us for 10 months, my mom flew back home to India on Friday. This was the longest I've spent with her since I left India in 2000. It's not even been a few days and I already miss walking to her room to just catch up. I know Hari misses her a lot already. Naveen mentioned missing her this morning and Leela cried last night saying she wants both grandma and grandpa to come back next week. Out of all of us, Juliet appreciated her help and company the most and I'm sure we'll be video calling her as soon as she reaches home.

Our new family of five spent the weekend just relaxing at home, trying to establish a routine. Today I dropped Naveen off to his school, then Leela to kindergarten, and then finally Hari at daycare. It's just me and Juliet at home now and it feels so empty. While my friends and cousins are planning to be empty nesters as their kids leave for college soon, I'm here just wrapping my head around this morning's events. Naveen confidently walked out of my car to attend fifth grade, Leela sang and entertained Hari while waiting for her kindergarten to open up, and Hari, he was smiling and laughing as I walked into the infant room at his daycare to leave him there for the first time for an actual school-day. We did a small trial last week but today was the big day.

I have a lot of chores and code to work on today. No complaints, just kind of in a state of disbelief.

'Blog: Monday, July 7, 2025 12:40 pm - 134 days!

2025-07-07T12:40:00-04:00

Our miracle baby boy Hari spent 133, long days in the NICU - from birth until he was discharged in late February earlier this year. Today marks 134 days that he's been home — one day longer than the hospital. We were told by a number of parents whose kids had been through the NICU that once the baby is home longer than the NICU, it would start to feel "normal". Every time I heard that, I smiled but thought "doubt it."

Well, they were right. Things feel as close to normal now as they can realistically be. Hari is enrolled in the Illinois early intervention program and is getting physical, occupational, nutrition, and speech therapy at home, as well as some additional therapy at our local hospital. He's doing fantastic and both Naveen and Leela are being the best older siblings ever to him. Juliet is doing well and my mom is helping us above and beyond what we could have asked for. I've been coding a lot last few months and am hoping to keep typing away at my computer for the foreseeable future.

We're taking the rest of the summer easy - no major travel plans, just a few local trips for the kids. It's really pretty outside so the kids and I spend a lot of time around the yard when it cools down in the evenings.

'Blog: Friday, June 27, 2025 6:10 pm - Next-gen Vibing

2025-06-27T18:10:00-04:00

I promised our 10-year-old son Naveen earlier this year that I will give him a chance to learn how to code using AI and once his summer vacation started, I bought him an account on v0.dev. He's been at it at least 3-4 hours each day and today, I'm so excited to share his first AI-generated creation: Neologism Generator!

If you're using Firefox, you may need to disable "Enhanced Tracking" but otherwise it works great in all browsers, including mobile. Give it a shot and see if you feel as proud of him as I am!

'Blog: Monday, May 26, 2025 5:45 pm - Memorial Day Parade

2025-05-26T17:45:00-04:00

I signed up Leela to a 5-6 year age-group girls softball team earlier this year. She's been playing for two months now and absolutely loves it. Today her softball team walked in the local Memorial Day parade and we all had a blast! Juliet bought a ton of candies and decorations for a small cart that I pulled along the whole way. Leela and I started walking and within a minute she jumped into the cart and began throwing candies at all the kids lined up along our route. Her softball friends joined in and tossed candies till our 8 gallon bucket was empty!

We've been here only 3 years and ran into so many people we knew. I think Leela knew more people than I did! Before the parade started, I got Juliet and Naveen situated on some lounge chairs near the center of the parade route so they could see us and everyone nicely. All in all, took under 2 hours but it was exciting. Leela and I were rushing to make sure all the kids around us got at least 2-3 pieces of candy.

We're home now. Juliet's resting, I'm coding, Leela and Naveen are playing on the Xbox. Our baby boy Hari is with my mom in the other room. I got a long week of coding and chores ahead. Summer is here. It's beautiful outside. I hope I get to spend a lot more time outdoors.

'Blog: Sunday, April 13, 2025 11:15 pm - Our little miracle - Hari Jeevan Mehta

2025-04-13T23:15:00-04:00

I have been impatiently waiting for almost a year to write this entry. Today, our third and youngest child, Hari turned six months old! Last October, my wife Juliet went into preterm labor at 26 weeks. Hari was born 14 weeks early, weighing just 2lbs — under 1kg! He spent 133 days in the N.I.C.U. and came home in late February. A few minutes ago, I was upstairs in our living room, watching him smiling and giggling as I tickled his chubby cheeks. I am still dumbfounded, shocked, and astounded that he's here, in our life, in our house, against all odds. I thought I could write this long-awaited blog entry without tearing up, but it's impossible. But let me back up a bit and start from the beginning.

Years before our oldest child, Naveen was born in 2015, Juliet was diagnosed with infertility. We went through a long, difficult period and then finally Naveen arrived, a healthy and smiling baby boy! His first few months were tough due to feeding issues but we did our best, especially Juliet, and before we knew it, he was hitting all of his milestones weeks and months early. Our attempt at having a second child of our own failed despite years of treatments and multiple disappointments. Never the one to give up on her dreams, Juliet started us on the path of adoption and in 2019, we were fortunate enough to adopt our daughter Leela straight from the hospital where she was born. She's five now and tomorrow I'm taking her to softball practice. She's super excited!

Not even a year after Leela was born, Juliet was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and soon after, we left Florida for Illinois. While both of us always wanted to have 2+ kids, by now our focus was on keeping her healthy and stable, while giving the best life to Naveen and Leela. Juliet has been seeing a neurologist in downtown Chicago and I would say her condition has been pretty stable for a year or two now.

So imagine my shock when Juliet showed me a positive pregnancy test last May! Actually, when she came all excited to my office to show me the test, I sighed and said "You got COVID in 2024?" She laughed and said it was not a COVID test. It took me a few seconds to realize what the beaming smile on her face meant but once I understood the implication, I was frozen. I literally did not believe it! A part of me thought it was life playing another cruel joke on her, giving her false hope. Another part of me was iterating through the list of medical conditions that can elevate hCG in women. No part of me even remotely considered that this was real. Because that would be a miracle!

And it was. And he is.

Before I allowed myself to get all excited about the unexpected but extremely welcome pregnancy, I made appointments with all of her medical providers right away. I wanted to make sure we did everything we could to ensure her and the baby's health - during and after delivery. Once we were 1000% sure this was a real, viable pregnancy, we sat the kids down and very careful shared the news with them. With Naveen, we were concerned about the 10-year age gap and how he would feel about getting additional responsibilities all of a sudden. We were especially cautious with Leela because she knows she is adopted since very early age and we didn't want her to feel any less special when a new biological baby arrives. Turns out, our kids are just the best because they were both absolutely ecstatic at the news and couldn't wait to meet the baby.

Juliet's first trimester felt unreal — not just unbelievable but also unprepared, unconventional, and uneasy. We moved to Illinois for her health and I had researched neurologists, physical therapists, and neuropsychologists. I had not looked into maternal-fetal medicine specialists and hospitals with good labor & delivery department! This was not what I had prepared for so it took a few months to get my new father-to-be groove on. Nevertheless, we kept the news literally to ourselves until we started to feel it was real.

Early October she had a small, baby "sprinkle" and then just five days after, she went into preterm labor and ended up delivering in the only hospital with a Level 3 NICU around here, located 90-minutes away from our house. While all of this was happening, I reached out to all of my family and friends and wrote down everything for posterity. It was all such a chaotic blur that I knew if I didn't write it, I would not be able to piece together exactly when and what happened. And more importantly, who all made all of this possible for us, who took care of our kids while we were in the NICU, and who listened to us breakdown at having to make medical decisions for a baby boy who was born without fully formed lungs, skin, eyes, or intestines. I will likely post those journals here in time, albeit filtered for privacy and emotional reasons.

Hari spent 133 days and nights in the NICU before we could bring him home. Juliet spent almost the entire time at the hospital, living by herself at the adjacent Ronald McDonald House. I came home after about two weeks so I could take the kids to school and give them a semblance of a normal life while their baby brother was hooked up to a ventilator and feeding tube. I drove back and forth to the NICU every other day to spend as much time I could with Juliet and Hari.

And then he finally came home. It's not even been two months but the NICU parenting life is but a blur. We're home, he's home. We're all together. Every day. This is all we wanted for days and nights and days and nights. On Thanksgiving, on Christmas, on Leela and Naveen's birthdays. We just wanted him to come home and now he's here. And today he is six months old!

I wanted to share this news for so long but I stopped myself many, many times. Because I wanted to be joyful and happy when I announced my baby boy to the world! Sure, the details above were not all peachy. But that's what makes today such a wonderful, jubilant day — our little boy is a growing, healthy, smiling bundle of coos and cuddles. He is everything Juliet and I dreamed of and he has already brought so much love and color into our lives.

While both Juliet and Hari are doing well and not in any acute or critical medical situation, they both have a long road ahead. Juliet will continue to get medical care from her existing doctors and Hari is getting a ton of physical/occupational therapy and speech therapy (which at this age is about feeding). Being born 3 months early, he is not exactly the size of a typical 6 month old baby and so needs a lot of nuanced, personalized care. And honestly, it's not a big deal. He could not have picked a better set of parents to take care of his complicated medical conditions because for us, it's just another Tuesday.

I love you my little Hari! I can't wait to see you grow and make your mark in this world.

'Blog: Monday, August 12, 2024 3:55 pm - Midwest Dad Life

2024-08-12T15:55:00-04:00

Ever since we moved to the outskirts of Chicago, I've noticed a gradual transformation in my way of thinking and acting. Surprisingly, it's not about slowing down or settling. It's about deliberation and acknowledgment. Nothing in my life has gotten simpler or easier. On the contrary, I'm busier than ever with family matters, tech projects, and social events. What has changed is how much more willful I am with the activities I choose to do, especially the mundane ones.

It's most likely age instead of just moving to a new place but I am a lot less stressed out now when I have to fix a broken chair or go grocery shopping. Back in Florida, I handled computers and for everything else, I had a guy. I had a guy who fixed my chairs (miss you Dan), I had a guy who did my family's laundry, and I had a guy who fed my pets. I moved to Illinois, partly with the hopes of being more self-sufficient, so I could not only take care of my family personally, but also instill some of that DiY ethos in our kids. And I'm pretty happy to say that I'm living up to the expectations that I had setup for myself.

I used to absolutely hate waking up to drive the kids to school just a few years ago. I hated going grocery shopping. I didn't care for gardening, meal-prepping, or cooking. This summer, I loved talking to the kids every day as I drove them to and from day care and summer camp. Every week or so, I bought fresh watermelons, cut them into small cubes, and stored them in smaller containers so the kids and Juliet could snack on them any time. I weeded large parts of our yard and gardens. I woke up early yesterday and sliced & diced all the fresh veggies our neighbors gave us from their organic garden. This week, I took the kids to skate park, playground, trampoline park. I took Juliet out shopping and thrifting. Nobody's forcing me to do any of this. I just want to. For myself and my family. This is what I mean by the transformation.

I could have done any of this years ago but I just didn't feel like it. Now I do. Not sure why. The simpler things are enjoyable and fulfilling now. They weren't before. I am not expecting to suddenly change who I am and become a chef or handyman. I'm simply doing a bit more than I used to, but more importantly, I am choosing to do more without pouting. Regardless of the reason, it's made life a lot more enjoyable. Even when I am sick and can barely get out of bed. Just doing what I should do, is comforting.

Sometimes I'm on auto-pilot, just running the daily errands. But most of the times, I plan my days to the nearest 15min slot. My schedule is fleshed out 3-4 months out, especially due to medical appointments, tech meetings, and kids events. What's not on the family schedule is baking carrots, green beans, and zucchinis. Somehow, that is a fun activity. Trust me, I'm as surprised as anyone else who has known me for years.

'Blog: Sunday, June 16, 2024 4:10 pm - Magnet fishing

2024-06-16T16:10:00-04:00

I woke up this morning to Juliet and the kids wishing me Happy Father's Day. It was gorgeous outside so I told her I'm gonna spend some time in the backyard by the pond. She excitedly asked me if I wanted to see my gift and I said sure! She gave me a box with a gigantic magnet and a long rope. Just last night we were watching a campy B-movie, Under Paris, where some kids were magnet fishing and I mentioned how strong some of those magnets are and that you can catch anything with it. Imagine my surprise to be handed magnet fishing gear not even 12 hours after that! She bought it weeks ago too.

I spent some time throwing the magnet in the backyard pond but didn't catching anything. I walked over to another pond and tried some more and to my horror, the magnet got detached from the rope and sank in the water mere inches from my feet. I tried to look for it with my hands but couldn't find it and felt pretty sad. Suddenly I remembered that Juliet said she got Naveen a magnet stick too! I asked him to bring it over and within a minute, I found my missing magnet!

So while technically, I didn't catch anything with my magnet-on-a-rope, I did catch my magnet-on-a-rope with Naveen's magnet-on-a-stick. I see this as an absolute win!

After we cleaned up, we had a little picnic breakfast at Boone Creek . The Brood XIII cicadas, largest group among all known broods, emerged a few weeks ago, and are loudly chirping all over our county. We have pretty much grown oblivious to their noise but whenever we share a video with anyone, they remark how loud the cicadas are in the background.

We watch Ultraman: Rising in the afternoon and Juliet's calling me right now to get dressed so we can go out to dinner. No idea where we're going but I'm psyched!

'Blog: Monday, January 29, 2024 5:55 am - Early worm

2024-01-29T05:55:00-05:00

Two weeks ago, I started waking up earlier each morning. I've always been a night owl and I believe I still am. But what I actually care about is not just being able to stay up late, but rather somehow get a few hours of quiet, uninterrupted time for myself. All these years, those were hours past 11pm. Now due to the kids' school routine, those are hours prior to 7am. The odd side-effect of waking up around 4am means that by 9am, I've already been up for 5 hours, ready for "lunch".

I don't eat breakfast or rather anything in the first 3-4 hours after I wake up. But due to a time-shift in my day, now I am ready for a meal when others are. Since I go to bed around 9-10pm now, my dinner is no longer around 8pm but earlier with the kids. Basically, after decades of trying to make the world adhere to my night owl routine, I have accepted that it would be better if I just adjusted a bit and accommodated everyone else instead, like my wife who has forever suggested I wake up early instead of staying up late.

It's barely been two weeks but it has honestly improved my life and routine so much. I still don't want to do it. I would much rather stay up till 3am while coming up with ideas or working on my to do list. But like eating healthy and exercising, I've accepted that this is the way.

'Blog: Saturday, August 26, 2023 2:20 pm - Unforced changes

2023-08-26T14:20:00-04:00

Last night I went to bed around 11pm without much effort. I woke up minutes before my alarm went off around 6am this morning. I changed into my running gear and went for a short 30-min jog at the local park. Once back home, Naveen and I took out the trash and cleaned out our tortoise Rosie's cage. We did a bunch of other smaller chores and then freshened up.

Our neighbors gave us a bag of homegrown tomatillos last week and I wanted to make Salsa Verda with them. Naveen and I peeled and washed them, broiled them in the oven for 10mins, and blended them along with fresh cilantro, onions, and jalapenos. I added some fresh lime and salt and put it in the fridge to cool down. Juliet wanted fajitas for lunch so she prepared some beans, rice, veggies, and scrambled eggs. Once the salsa was cool, we warmed some tortillas and each of us made our own version of fajitas, burritos, and tacos. Even Leela finished her plate!

I don't expect every weekend to be like this but I hope we have more and more days like this where I get to exercise, help with household chores, prepare meals, and spend time with Juliet and the kids. My weekdays are starting to be predictable now with kids going to school and Juliet back in the ceramics course at our local community college. I absolutely love days when nothing exciting happens but alas that is rare.

Last couple of weeks we were busy with a series of medical appointments and Juliet has a bunch more coming up in September. Next weekend I am flying to Boston and week after to Texas. Towards September-end, Leela is undergoing surgery for ear tubes and adenoid removal. And it is in the middle of all of this, that I am trying to sleep better, eat healthier, be more active, and spend more time with family.

I'm not trying to force any of this overnight because I just can't force major lifestyle changes and make them stick. So instead I am slowly and gradually choosing options that align with my long-term life goals. I had never made salsa before in my life but today I did it because it just seemed like the natural thing to do before the tomatillos went bad. There's nothing extraordinary about exercising, cleaning, cooking, or feeding your own kids. But over the last decade, I stopped finding joy in these things. I did what I did because it needed to be done. Now I'm starting to do these things because I want to.

'Blog: Thursday, August 10, 2023 10:10 pm - Good bye FS

2023-08-10T22:10:00-04:00

Twenty one years ago, Eric from Formulated Solutions reached out to me to design a website. First it was just a small Flash-based product brochure, then another with multiple product lines, then his main company site, and then a full e-commerce site with a PayPal shopping cart and customer portal. In 2004, I moved to Florida to work full time at FS, and steadily the company went from just 20-30 employees to 700+ at last count.

With growth, came complexity. At first we made products for tanning salons but soon after we got into personal care products, sunscreens, aerosols, and eventually high-volume brand-name pharmaceutical products. The web apps I built in 2002, running on PHP3, over time got upgraded and extended to run a full ERP system with MRP, planning, inventory, warehousing, quality, and project management modules used by hundreds of employees across multiple sites 24/7.

I made so many friends at Formulated over the years that more than half the contacts in my phone are tagged FS. I am making new friends here in Illinois now but there's no way anyone can take the place of Eric, Brian, Kelly, Linda, David, Sandra, Jeff... I could keep listing names but you get the idea. When I look back, I can only recall the good memories of my years at FS despite the many, many stressful days I know we slogged through.

While I look back at these years with fondness and pride, due to Juliet's ongoing treatments, I have had a very hard time last few years to continue to take care of the FS systems. So this Monday, I said my last good byes and asked the IT team to turn off my access. It was bittersweet for sure. I will miss the camaraderie but I look forward to spending more time with Juliet now. Instead of doing our groceries online, I want to take her to local farmers markets for fresh produce. Instead of fast food, I want to prepare healthier meals with her.

I know not what the future holds but I know my past is full of trust, support, and love during my tenure at FS. I hope to build on that for the rest of my life. And Eric, thanks for taking a chance on me. It was a hell of a ride!

'Blog: Saturday, July 15, 2023 12:45 pm - Grateful

2023-07-15T12:45:00-04:00

I started running again recently. Today I ran (and partially walked) 5mi at our local park. Twenty years ago when I started training for marathons and ultras, all I needed was my youthful ambition and gumption. Now at 42, I bring multiple herniated discs, varicose veins, and some extra weight with me on each run. And if I want to go far, I need to plan and prep properly. I also need a lot more motivation and discipline. After a few short runs, I started buying new running gear - running shorts, shirts, compression socks, headband, headphones etc. I will likely buy new shoes and water bottle/pack soon. I am excited because all of this modern gear is so much better than what was available in early 2000s. The shirts don't chafe, the shorts have pockets with zippers, the headphones conduct the audio through my bones, keeping my ears open!

The best thing I did was sign up for Nike Run Club App. I setup my running goals in the app and have a weekly plan that works well for me. The first week, Nike's Coach Bennett guided me via the app at every stage of the daily runs. Every run has a purpose, whether to get far, get fast, or just get started, said Coach Bennett's voice in my head. With every guided run, he suggests topics for me to think about as I try to keep moving.

Today it was about being grateful. What am I grateful about as I run today? Who am I grateful for? Who brings a smile to my face and makes me laugh so hard it hurts? The moment he said "grateful", I immediately pictured Juliet in my mind. I am grateful she came into my life. I am grateful she is here with me. I am grateful she is still doing her best to take care of me and our kids. I am grateful she loves me.

Three years ago when she first got diagnosed, our whole life turned upside down. Leela was a newborn, Naveen was not adapting well to school life, and the pandemic shutdown all travel and large events. Not surprisingly, I never got back into long distance running by my 40th birthday. Instead I took her from one healthcare specialist to another. 2020-2022 were tough years.

I am grateful that things are better now in many ways. Both the kids have adjusted well to our life in Illinois. Juliet has made a number of local friends and spends a lot of time doing arts & crafts. Her medical conditions have not drastically improved but we have both learned what works best for her - temperature control, no long drives, lots of breaks, minimal stress. And best of all, we are surrounded by beautiful nature and kind people. I could not ask for more.

I am grateful that I can run again. A lot of pieces had to get fall into place for me to be able to run again. For now, the chaos has died down enough for me to take an hour of my day to go running. I still have a ton of chores, paperwork, and medical stuff to handle, on top of actual IT/programming work, but my head is not on fire 24/7 these days and that is wonderful.

'Blog: Wednesday, June 28, 2023 12:25 pm - Sedges have edges, rushes are round

2023-06-28T12:25:00-04:00

Last year, our focus was on setting up the inside of our house. We spent most of the year under construction with dust and debris covering one room or other. We continued the construction earlier this year and finally had everything done by mid May, just over a month ago. Since then, our focus has been outdoors, especially since the weather has been nice here.

Both Juliet and I were pretty familiar with the natural flora of Florida but we have almost no knowledge of the vegetation here in the mid-west. Last month we were fortunate to have Mr. Ders Anderson, president of The Land Conservancy of McHenry County stop by and educate us on the plants we have around our house. He pointed out a number of invasive species that we should eradicate, lest they snuff out the native plants. He showed me the healthy sedges we have and suggested we should plant more. Sedges look like grass but they're not grass. Rushes also look like grass, but they are neither grass, nor sedges. Here's how to tell them apart:

Sedges have edges,
Rushes are round,
Grasses have nodes
from the top to the ground.

I am not deeply into gardening or growing my own vegetables but I respect others who are. For my taste, I just want native, non-invasive vegetation around me so that we can help local wildlife, including birds, bees, and all sorts of insects and worms. And above all, I don't want the invasive species take over the native ones. So we're learning as much as we can, so that hopefully over the years, we can become a refuge for countless migratory birds and butterflies as well as a shelter for fireflies, humming birds, and rare plants.

'Blog: Friday, June 2, 2023 11:40 pm - Call Me Maybe

2023-06-02T23:40:00-04:00

Juliet doesn't always keep her phone or smartwatch nearby when she is home. Normally it is not a problem since she does not get any urgent calls from the kids' schools or doctors, as those go to me. But I get pretty annoyed if I try to call her when I'm away from home and get her voicemail instead.

Not anymore! Thanks to the wonders of technology, I have figured out the perfect way to annoy her back and have her call me immediately. I hooked up a Sonos to the dozen in-wall speakers we have throughout our house and can use Spotify to blast a song at full volume no matter where I am in the world. Naturally, my song of choice is Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.

Who needs a landline when you have Sonos?! Surprisingly, just as I was typing this, I realized that we do have a landline! It's the emergency line for the elevator via Ooma. I know landlines are a thing of the past and pretty boring in general but Ooma's tech and pricing is pretty cool. You buy the equipment online and they give you a phone number and service for free, with the only monthly payment being taxes and FCC charges (around $7 for my location). Their equipment is well-designed and cleverly solves the reliability vs. reach problem.

So here's the problem I needed to solve: The elevator's emergency phone line required an old-school landline connection over an RJ-11 phone cord. I cannot easily get a standard landline where I live so my only choice was cellphone or internet-based phone. Cellular phones do not have RJ-11 ports and even if I found one that did, cell service is not dependable indoors, at least not for life-and-death matters. This left internet-based phone service as my only option, but most VOIP (voice-over-internet) services offer phones that connect to standard Ethernet (RJ-45) and there's no cheap "adapter" to go from one to the other, at least not stably for an emergency phone. Additionally, the elevator's control box where the phone line would plug in, is far from my router. Now while I do have good wi-fi all over the house and even the yard, VOIP over wi-fi may work for casual usage but I would not recommend it for emergency phones.

That's why after looking online for months, I was elated to come across Ooma. They offer a base-station ($50 refurbished on Amazon) that plugs into your router with an Ethernet cord and a compatible wireless phone jack with a RJ-11 port (another $50 on Amazon) that can talk to the base-station over RF, without using your home wi-fi. This means I could keep the base-station in my network cabinet, mount the wireless phone jack right next to the elevator's control box, and get reliable phone service without pulling a new RJ-11 cable all across the house. And that's exactly what I did and it works great. It even has a dial-tone with pulse-dialing!

If blasting Carly doesn't work out next time, I might have to call our elevator's emergency line to get Juliet's attention!

'Blog: Friday, April 28, 2023 1:00 pm - Looking for Doc

2023-04-28T13:00:00-04:00

While looking for a local doctor in our new home in Illinois, I came across this story of the "Last Doctor Standing", written by author R. Salvador Reyes, about his father in 2013. While Juliet is getting great care for her chronic conditions at all the local Northwestern Medicine (NM) facilities, she really wanted a personal-touch of a local doc who cares. Alas, that is becoming a rarity and this essay gives a behind-the-scenes look at how we got here as a country.

Growing up in India, we had a family doctor, "Dr. Patel". He treated our entire family at his clinic and sometimes even at our home. When he retired, his son took up the mantle and "Dr. Patel" continued to take care of our family. Knowing that there is someone nearby whom you can trust for any health issues, especially when the time comes to get a referral to a specialist, is so incredibly important. I miss that feeling of comfort.

On the flip side, both Naveen and Leela see the same Pediatrician and Leela absolutely adores her Dr. Pae. Any time she randomly coughs, she instantly gets excited and asks, "Go to Dr. Pae?" If we're lucky, Dr. Pae will stay at the local NM hospital for a long time. I wish she treated adults too!

While Juliet and I can see a general physician at NM anytime, it could be any one of the 4-6 different doctors. So although we get great care, it doesn't feel like seeing "Dr. Patel". Not sure how else I can explain this without sounding like an old man whining about the "good ol' days". I am inadvertently trying to recreate feelings from my childhood in the modern day, across the world. But I'm realizing that, as Sal wrote in his essay, "the small town family practitioner was a vital part of the social fabric," the keyword here might be 'was'. I might look for a Concierge medicine practice but not sure if that will suffice.

'Blog: Thursday, March 2, 2023 1:20 pm - I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe... in Love

2023-03-02T13:20:00-05:00

Every morning when I drive Leela to daycare after dropping Naveen off at his school, I start playing songs from my own playlist until Leela stops saying "Not this." Then I add it to her own playlist and we both sing the song twice or thrice until we get to her school. Today we sang along to the remake of an old song "I believe in love" by Lily Collins from the movie Mirror Mirror. So far I've discovered that she loves Yellow Submarine by The Beatles, Best Day of my Life by American Authors, and Pump Up The Jam by Technotronic.

And of course being 3, she loves Baby Shark, Slippery Fish by Amy Liz, and Apples & Bananas by The Wiggles.

'Blog: Wednesday, January 18, 2023 2:30 am - Caring isn't sharing (anxiety)

2023-01-18T02:30:00-05:00

This week I had a number of things stress me out all at once - work projects, home construction, paperwork. I felt pretty overwhelmed trying to manage everything but in the midst of it all, I had a minor epiphany that instantly calmed me down. While discussing with Juliet how stressed I was, I blurted out that "it is not even my own anxiety! It's other people's!"

And that was true. I wasn't the one who was really anxious about a new system going live, a coworker was. I didn't have to figure out the solution to the electrical issue, the contractor did. Sure, when working in a team, the successes and failures are shared. When hiring people for projects, if they mess up, you suffer too. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about not letting others' worries, worry you. It's true that other people will have genuine concerns about new projects or upcoming tasks. But no matter how much you care about the people, their concerns are theirs, not yours. Repeat after me kids — You can care about a person without sharing their anxiety.

Even as I wrote the above carefully selected words, advocating for this "not-my-problem" stance sounds brutally callous to me. So let me explain with a simple example: If my close friend loses their job, it's normal for me to be concerned for them and worry about their well-being. Totally ok to worry here. Next, if they apply for a job and are super stressed about the interview process, I don't need to be worried with them.

It is ridiculous for me to worry about their job interview. Yet I often do. I guess once I start caring about their job loss, I start to care about all of their job-related anxieties too. And that just stresses me out for no reason. So now I've started to ask myself - is this my anxiety or someone else's?

'Blog: Tuesday, January 10, 2023 2:15 am

2023-01-10T02:15:00-05:00

Juliet and I watched Avatar - The Way of the Water in Cinemark XD RealD 3D tonight and my mind is still stuck in the magical realm of Pandora. This was my first movie theater visit in 3 years and I am so glad I picked this movie. It was an absolutely breathtaking experience and I cannot wait to see the next one in 2024.

I have been busy as always last few months and I don't foresee my schedule getting any lighter the rest of the year. I hope to travel more this year than last few years, especially since Leela is starting to enjoy attractions more now. Naveen is turning 8 in a few weeks and I have a dream of setting up a full computer workstation for him and installing older versions of different programs for him to play with - 3D Studio Max, Photoshop, Blender etc. He is extremely interested in programming and loved the few short lessons in Python I gave.

Juliet is doing well and keeping my spirits up while I slog through stressful work projects. She is going to take another pottery class at the local community college and it really helps her work on her fine motor skills as well as build a social circle here. Last semester she made a set of really pretty cube-shaped containers that we now keep in our kitchen to store Taco Bell sauce packets.

It's pretty cold outside these days and there's still some snow on the ground. Last year around Jan-Feb, I saw snowdrops growing unexpectedly all over my front-yard and I am really hoping they come back again soon.

'Blog: Sunday, January 1, 2023 5:45 pm - Hello 2023

2023-01-01T17:45:00-05:00

We ushered in the new year last night with fireworks and champagne (well, sparkling juice for the kids). I couldn't believe it but both Naveen and Leela stayed up and were super excited. Today our au pair Josi took them both on a play date with another local au pair who takes care of two kids, about the same age as Naveen and Leela. Juliet and I had a relaxing New Year's Day and started season 3 of Emily in Paris on Netflix.

Yesterday our new neighbors Blaire and Mike left us a small gift basket for celebrations, along with ingredients for what they said was a Danish celebration tradition — rye bread, boiled eggs, and herring with onions — for Smørrebrød. Apparently it tasted great though I was barely able to stand the smell, still being vegetarian and all. We miss our wonderful neighbors Bevv, Brian, and Mike in Florida and it felt good to be welcomed here in Illinois.

In just a little over a year, Juliet has made so many friends here and I have reconnected with so many of my family and relatives. The kids are thoroughly loving the school and daycare here. Of course the cold winter weather can't hold a candle to the wonderful sunny days Florida's having right now but this just feels home to me. I love snuggling up in bed with a warm cup of coffee and catching up on the phone with friends, watching cartoons with kids, or just talking with Juliet.

Last year I didn't make any specific resolutions but instead tried to form new habits. I started reading a lot more and I drastically improved my diet. This year I'm hoping to continue those and add routine exercise to the list. We spent 9 out of the 12 months under construction last year and I am hoping this year we will get to enjoy the fruits of our labor of dust and noise.

As I've grown older, I've noticed I have become a lot more accepting of things as they happen instead of doing everything to stick to plans and freaking out when they don't. Of course I'm always going to plan to the best of my abilities but life throws so many curve balls, it's best to just accept when unexpected things happen. Here's to a new year for all of us to learn and grow, love and forgive, live and cherish!

'Blog: Monday, August 8, 2022 12:15 pm - Pet story

2022-08-08T12:15:00-04:00

My cats Giga and Tera were born 18 years ago today. Happy Birthday Giga! I miss Tera so much and I know Giga does too because after her passing, he has been so much more affectionate with our Chihuahua Lady Bug. In cat years, Giga's a spry 126 years old, though he is jumping and running less these days. Lady Bug is probably 15-17 years old and more docile too. We adopted her in 2010 from someone who didn't know her age but despite a ton of health issues years ago, she has recovered well.

We left Florida last winter after rehoming most of our pets that we could not bring to Illinois - our goats, chickens, tortoises etc. It has been a lot less stress for me but like Juliet and the kids, I do miss walking into the yard to pet them. And now with only aging Giga and Lady Bug, when at one time we had 4 devious cats and 2 loud dogs on top of the rest of the petting zoo, things are a lot calmer, quieter, maybe even a bit morose.

You read about life in books. You watch movies and shows about characters living their lives. But you never step back and think of your own life as just another story in the encyclopedia of homo-sapiens. While everyone sees themselves as the main character in their own lives and some even talk and write about themselves in depth, we rarely see ourselves as simply another tiny human going about our short lives doing typical human things. But the more I think about our pets, especially the ones no longer with us, the more I realize how much I am fulfilling my role as a standard-issue human-being. I pet the cat, I feed the dog, I throw a ball towards my child, I move heavy things for my wife. I am human adult.

In a world where people are hustling for fame and fortune, struggling to make a name for themselves, and striving to achieve productivity goals, I am patting myself on my back having taken a single celebratory cat photo earlier today. Not because I can't be productive or am done with goals but rather because thinking about my pets connects me to the saga of humanity while inventorying my achievements and failures singles me out and makes me feel isolated, unique.

Thinking of myself as unique and special with the agency to determine my destiny is exhausting. Accepting that I am human #106,839,249,965 going about my silly little life is relaxing and frankly, cute in a metaphysical way. There's no checklist of activities humans need to do to qualify as valid human and getting 100% in some exam or making $X of money would definitely not be on that list. But if there was such a list, getting nuzzled by a fuzzy cat should be on it, along with burning your tongue because you bit into food that was still too hot and staying up way past your bedtime because you enjoy the present company. These are human things, these little incidents, events, and activities weave the narrative of our lives. Pets, friends, family, love, kids, breeze, rain, that little bit of dirt still left over no matter how many times you try to sweep it into the pan with the broom — these tell the tale of our lives.

We love to read stories, play stories, watch stories, hear stories, and make up stories. And every single story is about life. There are no stories of rivers just flowing, molecules just colliding, and numbers just incrementing. Stories are about life. And life, when viewed through the eyes of a master storyteller with a penchant for small wonders, becomes ever so fulfilling. The passage of time, the grief of losing loved ones, the ennui of navigating human institutions — these hurt, stress, and aggravate me on an individual level but they make me feel like I am checking all the items on the being-human to-do list when I take a step back and observe.

Today I took a step back to observe. Tomorrow I have a ton of meetings and chores. C’est la vie.

'Blog: Wednesday, July 27, 2022 9:30 am - Fourteen years

2022-07-27T09:30:00-04:00

Fourteen years ago on this day Juliet and I said our vows in front of the Undine Falls in Yellowstone Park. Yesterday as I was driving with her, I remarked that had known our future that day and everything that was about to unfold, I would have done exactly the same things and made the same choices. I cannot imagine a better life, a life full of love, teeming with special moments, grounded in trust and mutual respect. On second thought, maybe I would have changed a few things, like saying “I love you” to her more often.

I love you, Juliet. Happy 14th anniversary!

'Blog: Sunday, June 12, 2022 4:50 pm - Making time

2022-06-12T16:50:00-04:00

This past week I promised myself that I will start making time for myself again. Over two decades ago when I started this blog, I was in the midst of college exams, homework, and projects and barely had time for anything other than studies, chores, and some work. And yet I always had time to write an update here. But last few years have been so exhaustively busy and stressful for me that while I made time to play with the kids and go out with Juliet, I pushed off my personal "me time" aside.

Add to that the long list of paperwork I have had to do and still haven't done, being alone in my office became the most opportune time to check things off the to-do list rather than relax, share my thoughts, or be creative like I used to. I don't even comment online anymore because if I have time to type paragraphs for strangers, I have time to update our Au Pair family profile so that we can find Adele's replacement once she leaves in early September. But thankfully, old tasks are getting done now and new todos aren't piling up like they did a year ago. The Au Pair family profile has been updated. I filled out the claim forms for moving damages from last year. I have the documents I need to register our cars here in Illinois and sign up Leela for day care. And soon my parents room downstairs will be ready.

Maybe then I can write down some of the thoughts that I've been itching to share for quite some time now. So next up will be my treatise on... love.

'Blog: Friday, June 10, 2022 8:10 pm - Goodbye Tera

2022-06-10T20:10:00-04:00

It was long time coming but I finally laid down my dear little Tera cat to eternal sleep today. I got her and Giga in 2004 and they have been as much a part of my life as any person. She was a shy, quiet cat who used to only come to me for many years. Over time some others charmed her and she started to run away from me because I was the only one to take her to the vet. But last few weeks she started to come up to me for back rubs. I had a feeling it was her time and gave her extra treats and rubs. I am sad she is gone but I am grateful she was there for me on days I needed a warm fuzzy nuzzle.