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Quotes

Quotes by me

Alcohol is an equal opportunity demoralizer
Binary Pickup Line: -0, +1
Lose the zero; Go with "the one"
Celine Dion kills my braincells
CTRL+C; CTRL+V is the sincerest form of flattery.
Fame is a by-product of invention, not the aspiration.
Give short advice.
Hate not something. Love something else instead.
I <3 /.
I don't have hobbies. I have passions.
I don't need coffee. I'm hyper by default.
I don't sleep. I go into power-saving mode.
I had a chardonnay without a black fly. Is that ironic?
I HATE people who think it's SMART to capitalize random words as if THEY are screaming!
I have never met a man who does not like a good joke... I hope I never meet one...
I like making up believable new words to prelimirate gullible folks.
I like to harpoon scuba divers.
I've successfully assimilated alcohol into my blood stream as a valuable nutrient.
If big fish eats the small fish I'd rather be the big fish...
Laziness never pays... You end up paying for it.
Music is my time machine.
My love life was once so bad, nobody even sent me the I-Love-You virus.
Never do anything regrettable... If you do, then don't regret.
People are people. And I'm the most peoplest of all peoples.
Remember kids, idiocy is not a disability...
Research shows that you are statistically insignificant.
Sometimes I wish I had a son, just like me...
Sometimes you have to let angels be angels and not reduce them to the level of mere mortals
The bad thing about being an optimist is that you often get disappointed.
The unit of measurement of life is "This one time in...", not years.
The worst experience in life is the one you didn't have.
There is no lack of inspiration within yourself; within your ambitious, hopeful past.
Those who don't give away their trade secrets are the ones who need them to perform well. True finesse lies in knowing just as much as everyone else and yet doing it better.
When you are getting everything, you refuse to believe that you are actually getting it. Suddenly it all disappears and then you can't believe it is gone.
When you can't lie, Clintonize the truth...
Without tasting the bitterness of failure, the sweetness of success cannot be savoured.
You are what you think I am.
You know you're a nerd when you hear CAT5 Hurricane and can't stop thinking about Ethernet Cables.
Your face shall fade away with time yet the lessons you inadvertently taught me will stay fresh in my mind forever.
Your heart is a precious gem. Don't give it to just anybody, lest they might lose it.

Quotes by others

'twas the pride of the peaches... - Homsar
Blame Canada! - South Park
Chime is the double to my float - Farker: evolved
Chirag, you have surfed the Internet to the point of retardation - Mason
Do I know what rhetorical means? - Homer
Don't be a stranger, email me - Jacquelin
Hell is a giant Old Navy outlet. - Some Farker
I am C. You are C++. - Keval (my cousin)
I don't think any word can explain a man's life... - Citizen Kane
I got my first ever payckeck with a comma in it today! - Tim
I like my Eins-rag. - Teresa
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
I reject your reality and substitute my own. - Adam Savage
If it flies, floats or fornicates, always rent it - it's cheaper in the long run. - Felix Dennis
Love is like pi - natural, irrational, important. - Lisa Hoffman
People respond to stress in different ways. Me, I eat babies. - Farker: Skail
Serenity Now! (Insanity Later) - Seinfeld
Sometimes rational decisions aren't sensible. - Ian Stewart
There will never be any real progress in this world while the bottom line is the only arbiter for corporate success. - Farker: william_m_hicks
These pretzels are making me thirsty! - Seinfeld
This internet thing is killing the art of watching television. - Some Slashdotter
Viva La Resistance - South Park
You are entitled to your own opinion, but not your own set of facts. - Redditor
You're a semantic samurai - Derek

Some more quotes by others

A diamond is just a piece of coal that did well under pressure!
A man is basically as faithful as his options.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
A smile is a curved line that sets things straight.
All facts are just someone else's opinions...
Banks have two things I love - money and holidays.
Champagne for my true friends, and true pain for my sham friends!
Christopher Columbus was the best deal maker in history. He left not knowing where he was going, and upon arriving, not knowing where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on borrowed money.
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.
Doesn't it suck when you KNOW you did the right thing, but you sorta kinda wish you didn't? - Priya Gandhi
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
Every story about a tyrant, about a cult leader, is actually two tragic stories one about the leader, one about the ignorant followers.
Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.
God bless the Internet - American Pie.
Going to a college doesn't make you smart any more than going to a bank makes you rich.
Have hope, not that circumstances will get better, but that you can better deal with them - Stephanie Maiolino
I am one of those bad things that happens to good people.
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it - Voltaire.
I think the Bible would be more popular if only God had kicked Satan's ass at the end.
If it happens then its good, if not then its better and whatever happens is the best - Sunil Mehta.
If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.
If you can't annoy somebody there's little point in writing.
If you have an attitude like you don't care and you have something to back that up, like money or fame, it's a beautiful thing.
Inside every older person is a younger person... wondering what the hell happened!
It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
It's so easy to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say, and then don't say it.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Life is not a spectator sport.
Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Maybe you ARE normal and it's everybody else who's bizarre.
Memories are one of the few things that people can't take away from you. So make the best of them while you still have the chance.
Nature has a way of compensating for weaknesses, which is why stupid people have big mouths.
Never argue with a fool. He'll drag you down to his level then beat you with experience.
Noah's ark was built by amateurs & the Titanic was built by professionals.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. - Michael Sinz
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
Same shit... Different day... - Diana
Sometimes I wish you were dead so that they could put you on a stamp.
The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river. - H. Ross Perot
The great advantage of being stupid is that people are never suspicious of you.
The minute you say to yourself, 'I think I'm going to spend Saturday night figuring out how X works' instead of going out to the movies, you've become a geek.
The only two infinite things are the universe and stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe - Albert Einstein
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret - Henny Youngman
The Stone Age did not end because the cavemen ran out of stone. - Sheikh Yamani
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
There is no chuckle. Laugh or laugh not.
There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
To become one with your computer is to reach a state of... Nerdvana.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Today's tough times are tomorrow's good old days.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
Two steps to success in life:
1. Never disclose everything that you know.
We are sexual from the womb to the tomb - Anonymous Psychologist.
We keep forgetting that in a hurricane, even pigs can fly. We have a lot of flying pigs around us, in case you haven't noticed.
Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same person ?
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.
You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same.
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.