divine - 2006.09.23: wekiwa river, apopka, fl

read > shorters > ouch > shower





She found my profile online and determined that I exhibited many properties she was looking for in a suitable mate. When I got the first business-casual email from her, I wasn't really sure if I was her type. At five-foot-nine, tall, tanned, and confident, she certainly wasn't mine. Our first phone conversation was brief and efficient.

I called her two days later as previously agreed upon. We exchanged our academic, work, and dating histories, then proceeded to ascertain whether an in-person meeting was in order. As I was relating my recent kayaking experiences to her, she interrupted and said, "I'll call you back after a shower break."

Five days later when she called me and said "Hey!" I quipped, "How was the shower?" A seven-second long awkward pause later we both chuckled nervously and then laughed about it. We had a good conversation that evening. I never called her again and lost her number when my cellphone died.

I didn't recognize the number when I received a "hi" text message on Halloween night as I was giving away candies to neighborhood kids. I politely asked who it was and once she told me, we started talking and text messaging again.

She messaged me today asking if I wanted to meet up for a cup of coffee as she was in my part of town for half an hour. Having just woken up on this lazy Sunday afternoon, I joked, "Sure, as long as you don't mind me looking slightly rough." She said, "Hah. Ok let's meet up at Starbucks next to Firehouse Subs on East Bay." Man, I love Firehouse Subs.

After four phone calls, two text messages, and ten minutes walking around the parking lot in front of Starbucks, it was pretty evident that she was not going to meet me here at Starbucks today. I don't remember being stood up ever. It was unnerving because I had been on the phone with her just minutes before and now it was as if she disappeared. Maybe her phone died? Maybe she had to suddenly leave for something important. I was pretty confused and somewhat disappointed.

My anxieties faded away when I got a new text message from her. A faint smile, as if acknowledging a worthy adversary, crept upon my face as I read her final words to me.

"It was good. I love long showers."

Shortest Version

I got bitch-slapped, what else?