Wed, 30th Apr '03, 9:45 am::
14 more days...
Wed, 30th Apr '03, 2:15 am::
Cher will pay me (in my dreams) $5 to replace her nickname 'Cher' with her real name 'Cigir' everywhere on this 'blog. My objection was that, then everybody will go - who's this Cigir person? So for the moment, I'm leaving the past entries as 'Cher' and will refer to her as 'Cigir' from now on.
So anywayz, Cigir & I didn't wanna study @ all, so just talked online for hoursssss. I like not studying. Especially procrastinating. I should do it more often *sarcasm*. Econ lab due tomorrow. Gotta complete it soon. Urgh.
Wed, 30th Apr '03, 2:10 am::
Nobody will ever know the true depth of these three tiny words - "The bush won." - Kathleen :)
Tue, 29th Apr '03, 10:35 pm::
Just got a phone call from a client of mine. By God my clients are famous! Here's an article about my client :)
Tue, 29th Apr '03, 9:35 pm::
Here's one of my favorite pictures taken by Hubble Telescope: Omega Nebula (hi-res). And Cher's favorite is the Hourglass Nebula (hi-res). You take your pick :) Oh and there's lots more here.
Tue, 29th Apr '03, 3:30 pm::
More useless but obvious research indicates that "the average college student sleeps three hours less every night during the build-up to final exams."
Tue, 29th Apr '03, 2:35 pm::
Found a great site 'bout one of my favs - George Carlin. Here's a few good Carlinisms:
- The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper pictures of the garbage.
- I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
- The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I'm left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can't quite remember.
- If a man is smiling all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.
- If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
- If you have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?
- A scary dream makes your heart beat faster. Why doesn't the part of your brain that controls your heartbeat realize that another part of your brain is making the whole thing up? Don't these people communicate?
Tue, 29th Apr '03, 2:30 pm::
There's this event called China-Nite that happens in Rutgers every year during April. I can't believe I missed it (not that I'm Chinese or Japanese or Korean), cuz well, just take a look at the pictures here! I think I missed some good stuff. Oh well, there's always next year.
Tue, 29th Apr '03, 11:45 am::
Here's a funny video. And here's one more.
Tue, 29th Apr '03, 11:05 am::
Just ordered Cable Internet by Optimum Online for my new place. Yummy high-speed broadband access all for me and me only!
Tue, 29th Apr '03, 10:40 am::
Quote for the day: "I don't need coffee. I'm hyper by default" - Chirag
Mon, 28th Apr '03, 11:55 pm::
Hard to believe it, but one of the best days in my life turned out to be a Monday! Well today was a pretty awesome day by all standards. Most of it was spent with Manzinder (morning/noon) and Cher (evening). Here's a bit of interesting conversation between Cher & yours truly, with reference to my so-called "popularity" - something that I vehemently refuse to acknowledge:
- Cher: How do you know so many people on campus?
- Chirag: It's really easy actually. You remember that guy you prolly met in the Intro-to-something class two years ago? And that girl from your Calc class?
- Cher: Yeah, but I haven't kept in touch with them.
- Chirag: I did.
I guess what my point was, the easiest thing you can do to be loved, is to just keep in touch with as many people as you can. Of course, it's NOT easy. It's not easy to call up old friends when you have 2 papers due and 4 homeworks to submit, but if you do call, it'll be worth it. It's not too important to remember and call-up/write-to everyone on their birthday, but it's remarkable. As always, I'm not saying that I'm the greatest nicest guy on the planet, but what I mean is, if I can say today that I love and am loved by a lot of nice people out there, it's only because I make pro-active efforts to keep the relationship going. Quite possibly, I'll gain nothing (monetarily, career-wise, politically) from almost any of these relations, but I know the emotional gains more than make up for all the efforts I put into it.
So for a change, why don't you go and email your friend from high-school and just randomly call up that friend who used to be your best-friend for number of years, but things slowly faded away. I'm sure they'll appreciate your email/call. I know I would. Here's just a few people I love keeping in touch with, if not actively/regularly, then once a month or two - Nitesh, Ketan, Vaishali, Pooja, Jessica, Kiran Uncle, Megan, Sonu, Leah, Tamara & Bruce, John Allan, Jackie, Aashika, Steve, Vicky Z, Arpit, and god knows 100 others. I didn't even mention the people I *have* to keep in touch with regularly - parents, best-friends, immediate family members; I just meant people I keep in touch with (or at least try to), simply because of who they are and what they mean to me though they may not realize it. I highly doubt if most of them even read my 'blog and I think that's actually the biggest reason why I have to actively keep in touch with them. Hehe... Oh and don't think if you stop reading this 'blog I'll start personally emailing you or anything. Nope! Doesn't work that way...
I think I am the most honest and straight-forward when I write in this little box right here. Here, in this tiny 'textarea' tag, spews forth the story that is my life. By the way, I've been reading a lot of books today, so ya, I'm getting all poetic/author-like now. What can I say... I get inspired really easily. Of course, not as easily motivated as this.
Mon, 28th Apr '03, 12:30 pm::
Marcel reminded me of this one site that I really loved, but never mentioned it in here before - They Rule.net. The site begins with these words: "They sit on the boards of the largest companies in America / Many sit on Government committees / They make decisions that affect our lives / They rule." Ah the ruling elite - the campers of the Bohemian Grove (read more here and a short description here.) Basically the Bohemian Club is a conglomeration of the rulers of the world - from the politicians, to senators, to CEOs & presidents of major corporations, to the Presidents and Prime Ministers of various countries, including United States. Every year, unbeknownst to the common public, these members gather in secrecy for a two-week period in the Californian Redwoods and booze away the fate of the world, while urinating on trees, sleeping with prostitutes, and performing pagan rituals. Oh but of course, the club is Male-only. No females are allowed, except of course, the prostitutes.
Most of these people hold substantially powerful positions, as shown on They Rule.net To check out some really frightening statistics, goto They Rule.net, click on 'Load Map' and select "!7 most powerful!" map. The chart says that "These are the seven most connected people in the Fortune 100. Together the 6 men and 1 woman are on the boards of 26 companies!" Ya, scary isn't it? No? You don't really care cuz you think you won't be affected by it? Well it doesn't really matter which country you are from - the fate of the world is decided by them - these are the people who want the oil from Iraq and want to lay the Trans-Afghani oil pipeline. And suffice to say, they also control the price of coke, the per-minute cost of a cellphone call, and your electric bill. Still not worried? How about the price of wheat/rice/bread, determination of income/sales taxes, and control over the supply of fresh water resources throughout the world?
Well, such a realization (of being inherently powerless) frightens me sometimes. But then when I look two decades into the future, I see myself among them, making the same life-altering decisions for millions. If you know me well, you know that I intend to walk with the giants. Does that mean I seek the same inhuman/insensitive self-serving power? Nah. I'm always gonna be my grandma's "Chiku" and my mom's "someday-on-Discovery-Channel" son. I've been told that you can't reach the top without losing the child in you. Well I intend to prove "them" wrong :) Of course, this is all just one of the twenty life-choices I have. I might just as well settle down peacefully within 5 years, get a simple decent job, get married & have a child. One thing I do know - if you pick the destination before you pick the path, you'll have regrets for the rest of your life if you find yourself on a different path. Nobody picks their own path. I cannot choose whether I want to be a scientist or a businessman with full certainty, but once I am a scientist, I intend to be the best goddamned scientist there is. If I end up in the business sector, you'll read about me in the Wall Street Journal someday. And if I end up getting married within a decade, you won't read about me in Time, my talking-head will not be on CNN, and my portfolio will certainly not be worth millions - for I'll be spending all my extra hours with my family, just being the best husband & father there ever was.
So where do I see myself twenty years from today? I dunno exactly, but somewhere enviable :)
Mon, 28th Apr '03, 12:10 pm::
Mondays just don't feel the same without the Physics lab... Ah... Anyways, Manzinder gave me a ride to Busch campus today cuz I'd have been late otherwise. So sweet of her :) Oh and my 'blog has a new reader now - my housemate Lisa. What's the coolest thing 'bout Lisa? She has the almost same mp3 player as I do - Creative Nomad IIc. I have the Nomad II version (it has radio, IIc doesn't). Anyways, I went over to my new house to get some info about cable internet etc. Well as soon as I move there, I'll need internet you know. My PC doesn't even have a dial-up modem! So only way for me to log-on will be through cable. And so I'm making sure the cable net is setup before I move in there in less than 20 days! Yay! I can't wait...
Mon, 28th Apr '03, 1:45 am::
Yesterday (Saturday) I went to see Anger Management with my cuzin Sagar. It was a good movie. Chilled with my cuzins & aunt/uncle all day/night. Got back to my room this morning. And it's almost 2am! Been working ALLLLLL day on just two sites. It's hard you know. Spent over 6 hours working on Mind & Body Day Spa and over 7 on Formulated Solutions (temporary). All tired and sleepy now. G'nite world!
Fri, 25th Apr '03, 2:20 pm::
And dammit! I want XM Radio on my PC! It's expensive, but hmm... I wonder if someone will sponsor me...
Fri, 25th Apr '03, 2:15 pm::
Here's a really good article about India & China competing in the Cold War II. Pretty well researched and unbiased. One of those 'makes you wonder' kinda articles.
Fri, 25th Apr '03, 1:10 am::
One of the saddest and most insulting things I could've read online is about my own university - the fact that Rutgers professors are demanding a 44% raise! I'm already working day/night to pay $15,000+ a year in tuition & books etc., and now amidsts one of the largest budget cuts (by the New Jersey State Govt.) these professors are demanding a raise that is incomprehensible! What the hell is going on! Does Rutgers really want to drive away the honest hardworking students and turn the college into a poophole for some rich party kids? Well if these professors (some of whom I really respect, but some whom I wouldn't even wish good morning) have their way and Rutgers keeps increasing the tuition, I'm gonna go ta-ta and off to some better place, where the tuition + living expenses are lesser. Urghhhhh. This is VERY infuriating in the middle of the night. It's a slap on the face of the Rutgers students. On one hand the college administration is urging students to write to the State Govt. and ask them to block the proposed budget cuts worth millions of dollars, and on the other hand, the Rutgers professors are demanding more money than ever. Yes, it's a hard world out there and professors should get paid a lot, but NOT at the cost of us students! I am REALLY ashamed right now. Really.
Thu, 24th Apr '03, 3:45 pm::
This is right about the time that I REALLY wish I could dance. Just had the meeting with the big D's (you know, the Deans!) and it went perfectly well. Everything went as planned and things are gonna go in exactly the way I decided :) No plans for tonight for me. Prolly CS 344 HW that's due tomorrow!
Thu, 24th Apr '03, 8:20 am::
Yes! It says EIGHT-THIRTY *AM*! I'm @ work. Got the big presentation today. Let's hope it runs off fine and that the Deans don't ask me to make 100 changes to the system. I basically have to show the folks @ Rutgers, the main project I've been working on since 3-4 months now - The Rutgers Student Payroll system. As usual, I can't really talk anything about my job/work/projects, except that once the system is implemented, thousands of students will use it every day (in short - it's pretty big!). Usually when big systems go into action, the ones who created them have to face a score of heretofore unfathomable problems every single day. I usually think fairly deep into my systems and try to look into the mind of the dumbest guy who'll be using them, and I make sure that my system can handle his ingenuity. So while I expect a few issues to come up once the system is in action (in the next 2-3 months hopefully), I'm fairly certain it won't overtake my thankfully mellow and unpressured work-schedule, and that I won't have to wake up @ 7am everyday to *fix the goddamn thing*! How many of you are familiar with that phrase huh?
Anyone can program. It's not the hardest thing to do. Every math major in Rutergs has to compulsorily take a CS110 programming class. But it's not that easy to make systems that work. Even if you can program a nuclear power plant or a Mars Orbitter (even if it can correctly convert units), it's all quiet different from developing real-time processes that interface with the user, who could be a competent worker, a dear-old sweet little grandmother who just HATES FRICKIN COMPUTERS, or that dumb guy who got drunk last night and still has no clue where he is this morning. The system has to take into account users of every IQ level and be receptive, intuitive, and obviously efficient. I learnt all this from my dad when I was 14 :) Thanks Bapu!
Wed, 23rd Apr '03, 11:55 pm::
Ok so I was just talking to Leah online and while talking to her, I realized something pretty interesting. I met three girls today - lunch with Manzinder (who drives an Eclipse), Kathleen, (who drives a red Mustang GT '99) and Rita.... (who drives an Audi). And then I'm talking to Leah, who for some reason knows all the cool stuff about hot cars. My question now is, how come almost EVERY girl I know, knows more bout cars than me??? Michele can look @ a random car for a fraction of a second and go Honda Accord 1998 Special Edition while I'd be like - oh yay RED car! Hehe. Well I guess people who intend to buy Astons don't really have to worry about Hondas ;-) Oh tomorrow's my meeting with the Deans. So gotta get to bed REAL soon now. G'nite world!
Wed, 23rd Apr '03, 11:50 pm::
And another day comes to an end. It was a decent day I guess. Had lunch @ Subway with Manzinder :) It was good! I hadn't talked to her in a while. Chilled w/ Kat @ Arc building for half an hour and went to my math class. Well instead of the grade C that I expected in the exam, I got a B. Not that bad I guess. I'm hoping for a B in this course now. And then Rita (no, NOT my dear aunt from Bombay), but my friend from Math class, gave me a ride from Busch campus to College Avenue in her unbelievably clean (for a college student) Audi (I'm pretty sure it was an A4). Then had my literature class and got back home just in time for South Park & Dave Chapelle Show on Comedy Central.
Wed, 23rd Apr '03, 2:05 pm::
I'm gonna get a new PC this summer. I'm using a two year old AMD 950 Duron with 384mb ram - totally not cool anymore. Here is my new wishlist. This is ONLY the cost of the dual cpu, ram, video card, and motherboard. I'm not buying new harddrives, cd/dvd drives, floppies, or monitor. But boy, when me and my buddy Chris are done with it, it's gonna be SWEEEEET -> a dual AMD Athlon XP 2.5ghz (meaning 5ghz of raw processor power!), 1gb ram, totally awesome video card with digital in/out for tv, lcd etc, and a motherboard (or mobo) with 4 usb 2.0 ports, 4 usb 1.1 ports, 3 pci, onboard lan/sound etc. I might go for a cordless keyboard/mouse too. Let's see. It'll be worth it. You know... 5 ghz... *drool*
Wed, 23rd Apr '03, 2:15 am::
I chanced upon this page written, obviously, by some college girl about to go back home after a year in college. To actually READ the text (cuz well pink text isn't too readable on PINK background), just press Control + A (or Edit > Select All). Anyways, after reading this, I don't think I have any such *wonderful* things to say about my college life. Yeah, I've said before how much I value the people I've met over the last 2.5 years, but I don't feel that I'm living the cliched average college life. Some days I think I'll look back upon these days with fond memory, but overall, I don't think anything nostalgic has really happened in these years. I dunno. Maybe that's what nostalgia is - looking back at the past and remembering only the good things, or smiling over the bad events and how we overcame the hardships. Maybe someday I'll laugh at how less I slept during these four years, or how few peaceful dinners I had. Right about now though, I just want this semester to end and summer to start. I can't wait @ all...
Tue, 22nd Apr '03, 9:10 pm::
OH MY GOD! Exactly a year ago I got this job! Hehe. And I totally love it just as much :) No sarcasm - honest! Just check up the post above!
Tue, 22nd Apr '03, 9:05 pm::
Been working all day. Studied a bit. Had dinner with Kat. Been working since. Gonna work till midnight. Oh did I mention, I've been working all day? Hehe... Hey it's all good cuz I love my job!
Mon, 21st Apr '03, 11:25 pm::
Believe it or not, here's an English to Hindi Translator, that works pretty decently. Feels good to know the IIT boys are upto cool stuff :)
Mon, 21st Apr '03, 11:15 pm::
I'm not in my room @ all lately. Busy with studies and stuff. So anyways, I had my LAST physics lab EVER today! That was my last class with Michele ever :( Gonna miss it. And the math exam today was 'eh'! I think I'll get a C in this class (if I'm LUCKY!) And after the math exam, Cher took me to see a really good movie @ Milledoler Hall - Alfred Hitchcock's 1958 classic - Vertigo. REALLY awesome movie. I've been submitting two of my progs to tons of random internet sites since 2 hours - Hot Chime & Chime Away! Let's hope I get some good traffic. It's been a LOOOOOONG time since I got some popularity online.
Mon, 21st Apr '03, 12:55 am::
Spent ALL day in the student center studying math. Cher studied with me for 4-5 hours and will prolly study a few more hours tomorrow before the exam. I'm really scared. Oh well, it's bed-time for me now.
Sun, 20th Apr '03, 11:50 am::
Google Easter Egg hunt :) You saw it here first!
Anyways, it had been a long time since I went to bed after sunrise, more specifically 6:30 am, AND woke up before noon, 11:30 am. That's quite an accomplishment for me! Well gotta go study my ass off now - Math exam tomorrow.
Sat, 19th Apr '03, 8:40 pm::
Here's where I'll be living from May 15th :)
Sat, 19th Apr '03, 8:20 pm::
So I've been busy all day and all last night. Well after setting up my Photo Gallery last night, I went on to create one of my niftiest coolest tiny apps ever - Hot Chime! It is a small utility that lets you launch your favorite sites and most frequently used programs by your own 'Hot Words'. You can set a HotWord 'g' to launch Google and 'xl' to start MS Excel on your PC. Hot Chime also lets you easily & instantly lookup words in a dictionary, get Whois info for domains, and search the Google Groups. If you're a lazy ass like me, you'll love this program. Come on! My own 'blog is just 'c'. So to launch my 'blog, I just press
Sat, 19th Apr '03, 1:30 am::
Added a few nice pics to my Photo Gallery. I also rewrote the whole Photo Gallery script and feel pretty proud of myself. What's the big deal you say? Anyone can write a few php scripts to make a decent photo gallery. Right? Well my photo gallery is special :) First of all, it's only ONE file! That's right. I only wrote one file with 258 lines of code and that one little file manages my whole photo gallery - from automatically creating thumbnails, to displaying the gallery view, showing zoomed in view for pics, and showing the captions. Best of all, the captions are in a database that I can edit easily & instantly. Ah someday when I've got nothing else to do, I just might caption all the pics. For now, I'm gonna keep taking more pics and putting them on the site. By God I totally love my camera :) And this, this, and this are few of my fav. pics.
Fri, 18th Apr '03, 4:20 pm::
I love this article that talks about how the whole MS.Net thing total crap.
Fri, 18th Apr '03, 2:35 pm::
If you want a headache, though I don't know why anyone would, you should check this out.
Fri, 18th Apr '03, 2:40 am::
You know what totally made my night? Finding out that I'm the world's most famous Chirag Mehta according to Google :)
Fri, 18th Apr '03, 2:10 am::
I worked from 11 am to 11pm! Well I took a lunch break and a long bus ride (to get from my one office to other), it was mostly non-stop work. Why? Cuz next week I have to show the deans that big project I've been working on for the last 3 months! It's all finally coming together.
Anyways, had dinner with my buddy Mihir @ Paulie's Pizza. Had been a long time since I had spoken more than a few sentences in Hindi/Gujarati. He's a good man and I expect to read about him in the financial + technology news sometime in the future :) It's g'nite world from me now.
Thu, 17th Apr '03, 10:15 pm::
Ya I'm still working.
Thu, 17th Apr '03, 4:35 pm::
Workin' all day. I found this site via Fark. It's one of the funniest yet honest story I've read in months. It's called: Bank Error In My Favor: Collect $95,000 - by Patrick Combs. I don't believe everything I read on the Internet, and so I just thought this was yet another guy blabbering on about something random, till I checked the Rutgers Online Library references and went through the original Wall Street Journal aritcle from 16th August 1995 that he mentioned: Prankster Exploits a Bankâ€™s Gaffe And Turns Trash Into Quick Cash. Yup, the story's 100% true, pretty much exactly like he said it in his story, which is available online for free. I sent him $5 via PayPal, just cuz I loved the story so much. I'm philanthropic like that, sometimes.
Thu, 17th Apr '03, 1:35 am::
Today was a decent day. I was happy to get 20 + 20 in two of my Econ labs and REALLY sad to get only 78 in my comp sci exam :( Oh well, there's still the final and I think I'll cover up. Worked + studied all day.
The best part was after my Trauma & Literature class ended @ 9 pm. I went over to my friend Molly's place and we watched South Park together. Cartman as usual, saved the day. She's in the literature class with me. I had some good red wine (and am still kinda shaken from it) and went to this bar in New Brunswick called Doll's House. Was really cool meeting all her friends etc. over there. Met this REALLY funny Bengali guy with a large beer belly (no wonder!). I'm REALLY sleepy right now and headed straight for ze bed. G'nite world...
Wed, 16th Apr '03, 3:00 pm::
I can't wait to go home tonight and complete my new kick-ass software - HotChime! It's a very simple software for the extremely lazy people who don't like to type urls a lot. I might rename the software too. HotChime sounds spiffy but isn't too informative. Anyways, off to classes now!
Wed, 16th Apr '03, 2:45 pm::
Quote for the day: "I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me."
Wed, 16th Apr '03, 2:10 pm::
In a parallel universe, I'm sittin' on a beautiful beach on a pretty island drinking one of those drinks with little umbrellas in them. Ah. Parallel Universe...
Wed, 16th Apr '03, 2:05 pm::
Taliban humor is so 2002! But hey it's still funny :) And so are jokes on Santa.
Tue, 15th Apr '03, 8:45 pm::
I took a lotta pics of myself yet again. Here's 4 of them in my new cyan/blue t-shirt.
Tue, 15th Apr '03, 6:05 pm::
I want to go on a long drive. I also wanna complete this new software that I whipped up a few nights ago. Will prolly do that tomorrow night.
Tue, 15th Apr '03, 2:55 pm::
Forgot to mention - it's BEAUTIFUL outside. I'm wearing my new clothes *grin* and was walking around the whole campus in the lovely weather. God it's loveleh...
Tue, 15th Apr '03, 2:50 pm::
My favorite movie has a soundboard now :) And there's more here.
I just returned from the final senior economics honors dissertation of three students. Now I know what must I do to in the honors project. In short - write a thesis, just like a PhD would, just shorter and less detailed. It'll have to be a 50-60 page research thesis and at the end of the year, like the students I saw present their thesis today, I'll have to give a live oral + visual presentation that outlines whatever I researched and answer all questions from the economics professors (who I must add, are extremely intelligent and painstakingly thorough in their criticism). In other words, I'm pretty much screwed :) However, it'll all be good if I find a topic I would like to research, because then it wouldn't be a research paper - it'll be a hobby, a personal pet project, and I never have a problem defending that which I love. Be it friends, family, script language of choice, or obviously my favorite movie.
I'm off to my other office in Busch Campus center, will work from there, have dinner with Kat (whom I haven't seen in 2 weeks now) and finish up my Econ lab tonight. Nothing too tough.
Mon, 14th Apr '03, 11:10 pm::
Hmm. So what do you think? You think I can write? I just randomly wrote all that, on the spur, without preparing or even thinking. Just blurting out random stuff :) Kinda fun actually. I felt as if I was doing something adventurous - adventurous not in the jumping-out-of-plane sense, but in a way in which I felt powerful - I could choose and decide what happened to her, to him, to Tandy the dog. I think I like writing. If people encourage me, I'll probably write more.
The AwakeningMon, 14th Apr '03, 10:45 pm::
- She knew she couldn't pretend to be asleep anymore. Her next door neighbor's Jack Russell Terrier, Tandy, was barking at the garbage trucks again. Another Tuesday morning, she groaned. After tossing all night in the $99 futon that he had once hastily but fondly bought for her, she finally realized it was her lower spine that had kept her up from a peaceful sleep. Ha! Sleep. How she longed for those summer nights she had spent, clinging, no clutching on to his left arm, at his grandfather's farm house. But right now, somewhere in this dilapidated house, water flowed freely from a leaky faucet. Freely, unlike her. Free to flow wherever it desired, molding itself to fill every receptacle up to the brim, and overflowing after it satiated the vessel. The freedom that the fluid oozed of, was not welcome in her house, in her mind, in her sleep on this blatant winter morning.
Why were so many thoughts crossing her mind simultaneously? How many times had her cell phone rung after she passed out on her cozy couch last night? When did she move from the couch to this uncomfortable bed? WHY did she move from the couch to this uncomfortable bed? Had she remembered to put out her garbage last night? When he was here, she didn't have these worries. She didn't think so much then. She didn't think. Yes, that was her problem. She didn't think. Had she been a 'thinking' person, this wouldn't have happened. But then she wouldn't have met him either. He admired her smartness, he would announce every time he got drunk. She would beam with a wide smile and admit to his dismay that she was just a dumb girl and he was only being nice. And he would cross his heart and raise a toast to her - to her, to her sweet sweet mind, and her beautiful thoughts. Why did he love the way I thought?
Some things are better left not understood she told herself, as she made her mind to get out of bed at the count of three and begin her day. One. Two. Thr... Oh forget it. A few minutes won't make a difference, her spinal cord assured her restless mind. Little did she know these exact few minutes would.
Mon, 14th Apr '03, 10:35 pm::
To no one in particular, I just want to say...
Song for the night: "I know I can" - Nas
Mon, 14th Apr '03, 10:25 pm::
So yet another day goes by. I can't believe I read all the books for my Trauma & Literature class! I read The Diagnosis in just two days! Sure, if I had nothing else to do, I could read it within a few hours, but hey, I've got a lot of other stuff to do too. Got a few study things this week, but nothing too stressful. I've been feeling much better lately and chilled w/ Mich all day today.
All this reading is having a weird effect on me. I walk around and I feel as if I'm a character in some novel. I enter a room and can just hear a paragraph being written in real-time, describing the scent, the posters on the walls, and the number of times the light flickered before finally turning on. More than once, I felt like stopping whatever I was doing, grabbing a pen, and jotting down my thoughts. And more than once I realized that I can't really write with a pen anymore. Of course I can still 'write' with a pen, but I have lost my ability to write essays, papers, or letters on paper. I need a computer :( Maybe I might just start writing a novel some day. Who knows, I might just start writing a novel on my 'blog itself.
Sun, 13th Apr '03, 10:05 pm::
Been reading The Diagnosis by Alan Lightman all day - only 150 or so page done so far. Still have 250+ pages to read by Wednesday. Michele & Angie dropped by the student center for dinner :) I think I'll go back to reading in a few mins.
Sun, 13th Apr '03, 2:45 pm::
Physics done. Off to student center for some R&R (and in my vocab, R&R is NOT rest and recreation, rather reading & 'riting)
Sun, 13th Apr '03, 4:10 am::
And I just read the last page of A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley. Now I go to sleep. Tomorrow I study Math. Finish up my Physics. Then Econ. All I want to do right now, is to wear my new clothes... all of them @ the same time.
Sun, 13th Apr '03, 1:30 am::
Quote for the night: "Who said you can't buy happiness? It's on sale at Franklin Mills Mall right now!"
Sat, 12th Apr '03, 7:50 pm::
Wow it's almost 8 pm and still bright outside. Summer's here. Spring didn't even have a chance. Anyways, there's no telling where some words come from. Exact origins of most popular words remain unknown. Except of course one of my favs - asshat :) It just means a thoroughly contemptible, detestable person. Nothing vulgar in that! Right?
Sat, 12th Apr '03, 5:55 pm::
Shameless Capitalism rocks my world!!! Well I got my $1000+ tax refund yesterday and let's say only 80% of that is left now. I went shoppin' to Franklin Mills Mall with my buddy Art :) You wanna know what I bought? Practically the whole men's section! Hehe. Let's see (takes out the 5-6 bills), I bought a REALLY nice Van Heusen suede jacket, two expensive jeans & two t-shirts from Guess?, two khakis & three t-shirts from Old Navy, and to top it all, two Reservoir camp shirts & four pricey sweatshirts from Modells :) Had some baked-ziti @ Sbarro and got back here. So why did I spend all this money? Because I can! Actually, last night I calculated that I can afford a frivolous expense of upto $250 between now and May, and so I decided to spend 80% of it today. But sorry dear, I'm all outta extra money now. Can't buy anything for you. All out! Hehe...
Anyways, I'm off to the library in a few, to finish up on my reading. Gotta do it by tonight, otherwise I'm screwed.
Sat, 12th Apr '03, 11:25 am::
I don't know why I didn't see this before, but this is one of the funniest HomeStarRunner shorts. The brother Chaps say it's not that funny but it is. They're just being modest.
Fri, 11th Apr '03, 10:10 pm::
Econ lab in progress... Hopefully I'll be free tomorrow (and so will my buddy Art) to go shoppin' and get some good summer clothes...
Fri, 11th Apr '03, 8:55 pm::
And I have invented clean clothes yet again! As I was doing my laundry, I kept trying to remember when was the last time I did it. Then I thought, oh well, I'll just check it out on my 'blog. Turns out, I didn't mention it last time on my 'blog. No I'll never find it... :(
Anyways, got Econ lab to do tonight. Tomorrow I'll finish up on readin' some books and prolly study Math on Sunday, for the exam on Wednesday.
Thu, 10th Apr '03, 10:20 pm::
I'm gonna read A Thousand Acres now... till I fall asleep...
Thu, 10th Apr '03, 8:35 pm::
Internet is a really weird place. Somehow the Iraqi Dis-information Minister is an Internet celebrity now. Weird...
Thu, 10th Apr '03, 8:15 pm::
Quote for the night: "Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation." - lifted off Sharon's livejournal.
Thu, 10th Apr '03, 11:05 am::
Workin' since mornin'... Workin' till evening'...
Wed, 9th Apr '03, 11:20 pm::
My life is sooooo weird. So I didn't study enough for my Physics exam and expected to get 60-70% in the exam I gave on Tuesday. Imagine my surprise when I get 94/100 :) And the math quiz today - I didn't do that good, but I think I did better than my last two math quizzes. Let's see how I fare. Talked to my Econ professor today and he suggested a few good topics for my econ honors project. In the next few weeks I have one math exam, two books to read, one 6-8 page paper, two econ labs, three physics webassigns, and one computer science homework. Thankfully it's all spread apart and I'll be able to handle everything much better now. Also I need to catch up on Ms. Sleep ;)
I went home tonight and got my glasses back + some summer clothes. Spring's right around the corner (hopefully this Sunday will be bright and sunny and not too hot/cold.) My last week was really stressed out but things kinda look chilled henceforth... let's hope :)
Wed, 9th Apr '03, 11:40 am::
As much as I like my econometrics Professor, I just don't think it's fair that he assigns a new lab every goddamn week! I just handed in the econ lab this morning and there's another due next Wednesday. There goes my weekend... cuz I don't wanna delay till Tuesday night (cuz look @ what happened last night - I ended up doing the lab from 6pm - 3am!) I didn't even eat anything yesterday, cuz I was studying all night. Soon, in 5 weeks, all this will end... (or so I keep telling myself...)
Of course, when you stare at the computer for 14 hours a day without your glasses, and sleep for 5 hours, you end up with a splitting headache. I still have to write a paper for my literature class and study for the math quiz that got postponed cuz of the snow on Monday. Tonight's not gonna be easy on me either - going home late and then sleepin late and waking up early cuz my job starts @ 7-8 am tomorrow. Why am I whining... I don't know. It's just that I'm really really really out-of-my-head right now.
Walking like a zombie, doing stuff without really thinking/paying-attention - this can't be good. I don't have much time, but I should decide something really soon - Either I live like this for 12 months more and end up with some really enviable degrees (CS + Econ + Math + Honors) or I drop my Math minor or drop my Econ major to minor, and take life a bit more easily. I'm gonna go for a Masters + PhD anyway, so it's not like my whole life will be ruined if I drop my degrees - At the least I'll have a CS major + a lot of classes in Econ and Math and Honors. I'll think over all this, this weekend - when I have no plans - other than sleep and study and relax :)
My present status: Inebriated by stress, inundated by work.
Tue, 8th Apr '03, 7:25 pm::
Just remembered that as soon as I met the owner of my new place, Edward, I wanted to write about him. He's a very quiet soft-spoken 70+ yr old man who listens to Frank Sinatra. I'm not a major Sinatra Fan but there's one song that I really really love. It's today's song of the day. And I met Ed's wife too and she instantly pronounced my name correctly. I don't know why, but I feel pretty special and welcome when people say my name right (and trust me there's a LOT who don't/can't).
Song for the day: "Something Stupid" - Frank Sinatra
Tue, 8th Apr '03, 7:20 pm::
My eyes really hurt when looking @ the computer screen right now. I'm on 800x600 resolution on my 19" LCD and the fonts are all big and ugly. But my eyes keep getting watery every few minutes. Damn WHY did I have to forget my glasses @ home :(
Tue, 8th Apr '03, 7:05 pm::
I'm stressed & over-worked incomprehensibly. Amidst of all this, I made yet another quick yet crucial decision - I just signed the lease for my next room. Took me exactly 30 seconds to realize that this is EXACTLY what I needed, walked over to the place, and within 10 minutes, the room was mine (of coure starting May-end 2003, not right away). It's a one-year lease, and I can only hope that I stay there throughout the term without any problems. It's $495 a month including everything. Here's the ad that I read online for it:
- Air Conditioning, Room w/ Private Entrance, Private Bathroom, Washer available, Dryer available, Owner lives there, Near campus bus, Near public bus, Near train station. It is an apartment by itself and does not share with anybody else. The location of the apartment is very quiet and I would prefer a quiet person non-smooker. Two block walk to Rutgers, 5 blocks to downtown.
In other words, I get my own room, with everything I need, an EXTREMELY quiet place, my own personal bathroom/shower etc. for under $500. And to top it off, this place is a 2-minute walk to my job & main bus stop. Best of all, right next door is the grocery shop + deli etc. The room's not the biggest room in the world, but then all I need is some space to put my bed & desk. The closet is decent and the place is extremely clean. I move out of this place as soon as my finals are over. Now that I think about it, I can't wait...
If you're a stalker and would like to come visit me there, here's a little hint. Ok back to Econ lab.
Tue, 8th Apr '03, 2:40 pm::
Found a free site with lots of good lyrics. Like here are the lyrics of pretty much all of Pink Floyd songs. And here's one of my all-time favorites - Ironic by Alanis :)
Been workin' all day. Physics exam this morning was bleh - nothing to feel proud of. Gotta do Econ + Literature all night tonight. Will prolly go to aunt's home tomorrow night - forgot my glasses there. It's kinda hard to program for 6 hours without your glasses :(
Mon, 7th Apr '03, 3:15 pm::
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they actually didn't. For once, weather's in my favor - Math class cancelled cuz of the snow :) Yippee Yay! Now I can go study for my Physics exam tomorrow. But wait, this means the Math quiz is now on Wednesday, meaning, I have THREE things on the same day again! Urgh... Oh well, no need to worry about anything till Tuesday midnight :)
Mon, 7th Apr '03, 2:50 pm::
And now I get back to studying for my Complex Variables Math class.
Why 'BlogMon, 7th Apr '03, 1:45 pm::
Woke up @ 6am, got dressed, and stood in the line for 2 hours out Miller Hall in freezing 25F (-5C) temperatures to register for my Fall 2003 classes. Had a hot chocolate while waiting and read the first 100+ pages of A Thousand Acres. Still have to read 250+ pages, hopefully before Wednesday. Got Math quiz in a bit, have to study for it. My weekend @ home was pretty good and we had a lot of fun @ NYC, when we went to see my cuzin Purvi @ the annual cultural show @ her school. Pretty much all of the stuff there was amazing, from the Lion Dance to the Step dance in total darkness. I completed A Gesture Life yesterday, and have to write a report on it now.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother writing this 'blog. What exactly am I writing... what I do or what I feel... Do I always write the truth? Do I only write the 'good' stuff and leave out the formidable 'bad'? Should I even bother writing the stuff that I do write and regret leaving out what I should? Lately, all I write about are events, actions, and plans. No feelings... no thoughts either. I guess I'm just too stressed out right now to do anything except complain about being overworked. It happens in the last month of every semester, the test of my mettle. Every semester, right around this time, I register for more classes than I can handle next semester. And every semester, right around this time, I regret taking so much load and having so many deadlines.
I just had to take one look @ last year's 'blog around this time to remember nothing is new this year, except of course, SNOW in APRIL! Oh well, I'm just hoping things will get a bit easier on me with time, though I don't see how, considering I have a fully loaded summer ahead of me, a very heavy study-load for Fall, and even more work in Spring 2004, hopefully my last semester in Rutgers. I haven't yet planned what I want to do next. Right now is the worst moment for me to plan anything that will decide my future. Though it is imperative that I quickly make up my mind and take steps towards achieving it, lest it might be too late.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being too harsh on myself; nobody asked me to dream of a PhD. Over and over I keep asking myself why am I doing all this, and as yet I've never been able to answer myself. I don't know why, I just have to. It's like some unspoken force that's driving my ambitions towards some unachieavable goal - as if I wereborn to study and work hard. On one hand, I have this rigorous eight-to-ten year tenure of relentless academic pursuation, and on the other, I can just stop after a B.Sc, get a decent job, and in time, start a family, quite like my best friends back in Calcutta.
I am fortunate that I have the freedom to choose the course of my life. I am unfortunate that I have yet to choose the course of my life. Often I act very confident of my plans, as if I've everything planned out two decades in advance, when I don't even know where I'll have my dinner tonight. Well, most of the times I am in fact quite proud of my sound decisions, if I may call them so. But it's at times like these, when I'm more confused than confident, that I find myself stuck in the whirlpool of 'What-Ifs'. There's a lot of what-ifs about me that a lot of people know - what if I wasn't a programmer, what if I hadn't come to US, what if I hadn't made the decision to study so much in mere four year... And then there's that bunch of what-ifs that I repeatedly keep asking myself; myself alone.
Sometimes I realize I sound quite shallow in my writings, other times, quite hyper, hopeful, and energetic. At this moment, I think I just sound morbidly taciturn, for I unwillingly choose not to divulge what irkes me at this very moment. More so, as I write this, I realize my selection of words is getting unusually figurative, quite distant from my usual prosaic flow of Pop-culture cliches. At first glance it is merely the award-winning literary works that I've been unenthusiastically indulging myself in for over a week now, rubbing off on me. Yet as I look deeper, it is not the recent reading that is prompting me to write as such, it is the fact that I can write in this way, and yet have forever refrained from doing so, by no choice of mine.
I always, and only, write what most people can understand without having to refer to a dictionary or a reference manual - for I was taught to write for others. I remember growing up, when I wanted to pen a document with unfamiliar multi-syllable words, often unpronounceable due to our strong Indian accents, I was criticized, even rebuked for being pompous and pretentious. Despite my ability to express myself eloquently using only the words that I felt were nothing short of appropriate, albeit uncommon in vulgar usage, I was told this is not how one should write. I should write so that everyone can read and understand easily. I realize that is true when one is attempting to convey facts and information. But not right now when I'm trying to express how I feel. Just for your reassurance, I'm feeling quite good right now. Nothing to worry about overall. What I mean is that I'm slowly realizing that I can indeed write well, have always been able to. Just that I was never challenged, never expected to pen a Pulitzer prize winning text. Am I saying that I write so well that I deserve literary honors? Far from it. I'm merely expressing my regrets for having to shape my writing skills to fit into the cliched journalistic mould - the one that's easy to read and understand. One can argue that using big words is not the only way to express one's thoughts, and certainly not the most popular. I had no response to that argument until right now. Now I know why I should not limit myself to writing what everyone can understand - because now I've decided to write for myself, and nobody else. When I write, I expect no readers, other than myself. If someone wants to look into my life, my thoughts, my writings, step into my shoes and look at it from my point-of-view, for you've already looked at me from your own. This doesn't mean my 'blog shall be utterly incomprehensible henceforth. It simply means I'll not stop myself from writing HOW I want to write. Of course, I will stop myself from writing WHAT I want, if I deem it too personal, vengeful, or potentially traumatic to anyone, including me. But no more shall I pretend to be a sixth grader bitching about the mess that his life is. Now, I shall masquerade as an English major sniveling at every convoluted contretemps that life excoriates me with :)
Sun, 6th Apr '03, 3:10 pm::
Fri, 4th Apr '03, 2:35 pm::
Rebranding - Pretty insightful :) Especially this one. Hehe.
Fri, 4th Apr '03, 1:35 pm::
Only a true mathematician can read the story of Ms. Polly Nomial and NOT have dirty thoughts *grin grin*
Fri, 4th Apr '03, 1:20 pm::
Went to Sam's Club today with my aunt. She bought a lot of stuff for house/store and got me Eclipse strips :) I'm just relaxing @ home right now while they're having dance practice downstairs.
So anyway, I found out about Project Gutenberg today and am pretty impressed with it. Basically these hard working guys take books, type them into a computer, and make them freely available for the whole world. Pretty generous of them. Like, here's a bunch of plays written by William Shakespeare. Here's some of the English (prolly translated) text by Rabindranath Tagore. And best of all, here's almost every book written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, available for free, online!
Fri, 4th Apr '03, 12:50 am::
Always fun to read some articles written by some angry guy. But Maddox started it all.
Fri, 4th Apr '03, 12:35 am::
I LOOOOOOOOOOVE Exploding Dog.com :) Totally. It's like Emotion Eric with touching art instead of funny pics...
Fri, 4th Apr '03, 12:25 am::
Oh by the way (cuz that's EXACTLY how Prof. Paczkowski, my Econometrics teacher, says it), I talked to him today about my senior honors thesis program, and he said he's interested in becoming my advisor as soon as I present a good research topic to him! Wow that 'hard' search to find a good advisor, took me exactly... umm... 10 minutes? LOL. I'm gonna see him in his office on Wednesday to discuss everything. I'm already getting the highest grades in Econ right now :) So that's a good thing. Let's see how it goes. Hopefully I'll be doing some spiffy research on some important economic topic next year. I really need to get into the honors program for Econ, since I can use it for my University College Honors program. Bah bah! Don't ask me why I am doing allllll these honors courses and double majors and minors and blah blah blah... I just am! You know why? Cuz when I was a student in RKC (boarding school in India), and they charged us Rs. 25 for a special dinner, I made sure I'd eat Rs 75 worth of food AT LEAST! So if I'm paying $14,000 a year to Rutgers, I'm gonna get my $42,000 worth of education! Period.
Fri, 4th Apr '03, 12:10 am::
At my aunt's home tonight :) I just saw Bend It Like Beckham with the family. Mmmmmm Keira Knightley... Totally awesome film :) Then played (hold your breath...) Super Mario Smash game with my cuzins Sagar and Rohan. I kicked some major Pokeman butt! Gonna go read up on my books now. Feel like starting my new 'blog already. Hehe...
Thu, 3rd Apr '03, 10:05 pm::
Ok the whole non-stop study without sleep thing's not working for me anymore. I'm gonna go to bed and to hell with everything!
Thu, 3rd Apr '03, 9:05 pm::
So anyways, haven't blogged in length. So tonight's the night. Today was pretty standard - some major network chaos @ work, usual asp/access programming, a good veggie sub sandwich for dinner and here I am working yet again on my Econometrics lab. Yes! The nightmare's back. I started my last lab on last Thursday night and it took non-stop work until this Tuesday midnight to complete it. And as soon as I submitted it yesterday morning, the teacher assigned another lab due this Wednesday! Each frickin lab takes 18-24 hours if you work non-stop! I am not even joking right now. On top of that I have big math quiz on Monday, Physics exam on Tuesday, two novels to read + paper to write by Wednesday for Literature class, and of course this Econ lab due on Wednesday. Of course I have 3 websites to work on! Arghhhhhhh! No more sleep for me :( I just want to get over with this Econ and Literature classes. Ahhhhhh someday... about 40-45 days from now... Can't wait...
Anyways, last night was pretty cool. Two things - first, all of us from our Trauma & Literature class went to hear the famed author Chang-rae Lee in the Rutgers Student Center read the first chapter of his next book. We're reading one of his most acclaimed novels, A Gesture Life in this class. He's a quite inspiring author and was just so young and normal looking, that it was hard to imagine that he wrote such marvellous books. That's the best thing about artists - they don't always have to 'look' like artists. So I still have to finish the book and then I have to start reading A Thousand Acres. Or I could just see the movie to save time ;)
I left mid-way though and went to the Economics Honors seminar cuz it was sadly @ the exact same time as the book reading. I did get the gist of the program though - I have to pick a topic in Economics, find a professor who would be willing to be my advisor, register for the honors program, and then go ahead and start with the real research. I came back home last night @ past 11pm! Was a looooong day - 10am - 11pm :(
I'm still tired right now. Haven't got enuf sleep either. Unless I get enuf rest soon, I'm gonna collapse :( Oh well, I don't have time to sleep right now - gotta do the Econ lab... oh well...
Thu, 3rd Apr '03, 9:00 pm::
Reality TV has never been so real! This month Comedy Central will have some REALLY dumb reality shows -- eight new shows for those looking to get their 15 minutes of fame. Sneak-peeks of "Poor Fools," "The Vault," "Handicap House," "While You Were Drunk," "Really Blind Date," "Trading Babies," "Joe Mormon" and "Celebrity CAT Scan" to debut on Tuesday, April 1. The world has ended when there's a reality show called: "Handicap House".
Thu, 3rd Apr '03, 12:35 pm::
I'm not too much into competitive blogging, but here's the winners of the 2003 Anti-Bloggies award. And this is the dullest blog in the world. I'm just hoping my 'blog isn't THAT dull :)
Thu, 3rd Apr '03, 9:50 am::
Guess which is the worst search engine according to Google?
Wed, 2nd Apr '03, 2:05 pm::
Someday, I wanna fill out this tax form (warning: pdf).
Wed, 2nd Apr '03, 1:35 pm::
I wish I had a car and could go on a drive right now... I dunno why I have this sudden urge to just go vroooom...
Wed, 2nd Apr '03, 3:05 am::
While talking to Derek and Taylor about web design etc., I remarked: "I spend 8-10 hours per day of my early twenties looking at websites that don't even have pics of hot chics in them. Is that healthy?" What ensued was pure chaos and fright. We're all in twenties, making websites, checking out other people's websites, discussing tips 'n tricks on designing websites... when we're not in class (me and Taylor learning, Derek teaching). I just hope there are no 'side-effects' to web designing.
Wed, 2nd Apr '03, 2:55 am::
So I have a very early preview of Mind & Body Day Spa site up and running! Yay! Two more sites coming up in a day or two :)
Tue, 1st Apr '03, 11:55 pm::
Quote for the night: "There is no greater joy in the known universe than completing your Econometrics Lab before midnight." - Yours truly :)
Tue, 1st Apr '03, 4:45 pm::
I'm in my Busch Student Center office right now. God I haven't been here in over 3 months now! I missed this place sooooo much... I love working @ our other office near my house, but this office is absolutely mine and very very peaceful. I get a lot of work done here @ a pretty good speed. Anyways, life's going good. I'm 75% done with the Econ lab but I still have to write the log for my Literature class. And I need to work on my sites now, have been neglecting them for a week or so now. Rest life just goes on :)
Song for the day: "Dil Se" - Dil Se - A. R. Rahman
Tue, 1st Apr '03, 4:05 pm::
Presenting... the Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of all time :)
Tue, 1st Apr '03, 4:00 pm::
Been workin' all day in the dungeon ;) Gonna go have dinner later w/ Kat.