Found a great site 'bout one of my favs - George Carlin. Here's a few good Carlinisms:

• The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper pictures of the garbage.
• I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
• The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I'm left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can't quite remember.
• If a man is smiling all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
• In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.
• If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
• If you have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?
• A scary dream makes your heart beat faster. Why doesn't the part of your brain that controls your heartbeat realize that another part of your brain is making the whole thing up? Don't these people communicate?

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