Caring isn't sharing (anxiety)Wed, 18th Jan '23, 2:30 am::
This week I had a number of things stress me out all at once - work projects, home construction, paperwork. I felt pretty overwhelmed trying to manage everything but in the midst of it all, I had a minor epiphany that instantly calmed me down. While discussing with Juliet how stressed I was, I blurted out that "it is not even my own anxiety! It's other people's!"
And that was true. I wasn't the one who was really anxious about a new system going live, a coworker was. I didn't have to figure out the solution to the electrical issue, the contractor did. Sure, when working in a team, the successes and failures are shared. When hiring people for projects, if they mess up, you suffer too. But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about not letting others' worries, worry you. It's true that other people will have genuine concerns about new projects or upcoming tasks. But no matter how much you care about the people, their concerns are theirs, not yours. Repeat after me kids — You can care about a person without sharing their anxiety.
Even as I wrote the above carefully selected words, advocating for this "not-my-problem" stance sounds brutally callous to me. So let me explain with a simple example: If my close friend loses their job, it's normal for me to be concerned for them and worry about their well-being. Totally ok to worry here. Next, if they apply for a job and are super stressed about the interview process, I don't need to be worried with them.
It is ridiculous for me to worry about their job interview. Yet I often do. I guess once I start caring about their job loss, I start to care about all of their job-related anxieties too. And that just stresses me out for no reason. So now I've started to ask myself - is this my anxiety or someone else's?
Tue, 10th Jan '23, 2:15 am::
Juliet and I watched Avatar - The Way of the Water in Cinemark XD RealD 3D tonight and my mind is still stuck in the magical realm of Pandora. This was my first movie theater visit in 3 years and I am so glad I picked this movie. It was an absolutely breathtaking experience and I cannot wait to see the next one in 2024.
I have been busy as always last few months and I don't foresee my schedule getting any lighter the rest of the year. I hope to travel more this year than last few years, especially since Leela is starting to enjoy attractions more now. Naveen is turning 8 in a few weeks and I have a dream of setting up a full computer workstation for him and installing older versions of different programs for him to play with - 3D Studio Max, Photoshop, Blender etc. He is extremely interested in programming and loved the few short lessons in Python I gave.
Juliet is doing well and keeping my spirits up while I slog through stressful work projects. She is going to take another pottery class at the local community college and it really helps her work on her fine motor skills as well as build a social circle here. Last semester she made a set of really pretty cube-shaped containers that we now keep in our kitchen to store Taco Bell sauce packets.
It's pretty cold outside these days and there's still some snow on the ground. Last year around Jan-Feb, I saw snowdrops growing unexpectedly all over my front-yard and I am really hoping they come back again soon.
Hello 2023Sun, 1st Jan '23, 5:45 pm::
We ushered in the new year last night with fireworks and champagne (well, sparkling juice for the kids). I couldn't believe it but both Naveen and Leela stayed up and were super excited. Today our au pair Josi took them both on a play date with another local au pair who takes care of two kids, about the same age as Naveen and Leela. Juliet and I had a relaxing New Year's Day and started season 3 of Emily in Paris on Netflix.
Yesterday our new neighbors Blaire and Mike left us a small gift basket for celebrations, along with ingredients for what they said was a Danish celebration tradition — rye bread, boiled eggs, and herring with onions — for Smørrebrød. Apparently it tasted great though I was barely able to stand the smell, still being vegetarian and all. We miss our wonderful neighbors Bevv, Brian, and Mike in Florida and it felt good to be welcomed here in Woodstock.
In just a little over a year, Juliet has made so many friends here and I have reconnected with so many of my family and relatives. The kids are thoroughly loving the school and daycare here. Of course the cold winter weather can't hold a candle to the wonderful sunny days Florida's having right now but this just feels home to me. I love snuggling up in bed with a warm cup of coffee and catching up on the phone with friends, watching cartoons with kids, or just talking with Juliet.
Last year I didn't make any specific resolutions but instead tried to form new habits. I started reading a lot more and I drastically improved my diet. This year I'm hoping to continue those and add routine exercise to the list. We spent 9 out of the 12 months under construction last year and I am hoping this year we will get to enjoy the fruits of our labor of dust and noise.
As I've grown older, I've noticed I have become a lot more accepting of things as they happen instead of doing everything to stick to plans and freaking out when they don't. Of course I'm always going to plan to the best of my abilities but life throws so many curve balls, it's best to just accept when unexpected things happen. Here's to a new year for all of us to learn and grow, love and forgive, live and cherish!