Thu, 26th Feb '04, 5:00 am::

Who am I kidding! Alright, all you elders and mature people who've been advising me for years now, can put that smug smile on your face and say it out loud in unison, "I told you so!" Yes, you were right. After a decade of all-nighters and irregular hours, my sleeping schedule has been absolutely messed up. I'm gonna be honest and finally admit that I am having some major sleep problems right now. It's 5 am and obviously, I'm up writing my blog! I always joked that I have insomnia but it stayed to levels of "You've insomnia? Oh I have it too! High-five!" But now, things have been messing up on a whole new level. No matter what time I go to bed, I wake up FRESH after just two hours. Why yes, my body has finally found that secret to instant rejuvination. There's no apparent physical problem and I feel great 24/7. But somewhere deep within me I know that this is not right.

Last night I went to bed at 10pm all tired and sleepy and woke up feeling fresh just two hours later. I couldn't sleep the whole night, went to bed at 7am, and woke up three hours later for class. Tonight I went to bed at 2am but woke up at 4am all fresh. I'd been trying to fall asleep for the past hour but just couldn't take it anymore. I figured posting a boring 'blog entry about my sleeping woes might make me sleepy. So far it hasn't been working. I feel just fine. For the last two weeks, I've been sleeping 2-5 hours on average per night by no choice of mine. I go to bed at 6am, wake up at 10am, work all day, go to classes, meet friends, and feel pretty much fine all day. I tried working out to exhaust myself and ate meals at regular hours but so far nothing has worked.

For the last 3.5 years, my course work had been so tough that I had to stay up till early morning hours. I also worked on my client sites most of the times. Right now, I have no client work and my four courses hardly take any time. I had planned that by having no extra work and less course material, I could concentrate easily on my research, the success of which is EXTREMELY important for my higher studies. But turns out, my body has absolutely forgottten how to sleep for 6-8 hours each night. My internal clock seems to only work under pressure and stress. While it's a great system for meeting deadlines and cramming for exams, I know it's not a natural thing and most definitely very harmful in the long run. All these years I had been dying to get rid of all the fluff work and finally get down to research. Right now I have the chance but can't concentrate because of my irregular sleeping patterns.

I am already delayed in my research process and can't waste any more time. From now on, I am going to bed at 12am no matter what and STAYING in bed till 7-8am even if I'm awake the whole night. I figure if it took me years and years to screw up my clock, it's gonna take some time to become NORMAL. And I sure hope once I get normal, I don't ever have to get back into the 4-hour a night nap ritual. Well don't worry about me though. I am getting enough sleep to function. I'm not falling asleep during work or passing out while walking down the street. It's just that I know 4 hours of sleep is not natural and since there is no reason for me to sleep less than 6-8 hours, I shouldn't have to.

I'm going to bed now. And I intend to lie in there till 7:30 am! I got work at 8:30am.

 < Jan 2004Mar 2004 >